#drain cleaning berlin

[superavenueunknown]

Why regular plumbing servicing is helpful, and how you can do it yourself.

Your living space reflects your state of mind, pristine works if pristine it seems. Messy works too if that your vibe is. Imagine shut windows, boarded up, what do you think that reflects? Decay; not just mess, Now, mess is when there exist leaks or no electricity. Well, leaks and electricity issues are common place. Let’s quit the meditation on decay and messy states and check into reality. Why is a regular plumbing maintenance important on a regular basis? 

Simplifying this,

What are some plumbing grievances that could disrupt your daily routine, and how you could do it yourself, although getting professional plumbing services would be better and it is easy on your pockets too. 

Leaks, drainage clogs, water heater hazards, flushing issues and the likes. A regular plumbing maintenance routine would look something this,

Simple routine things if done on a regular could save you from potential water hazards.

Checking water pressure, making sure it is in the normal range.

Checking for leaks, inspecting pipes, shower heads, faucets, valves and taps to check in case there are leaks.

Drainage cleaning, plungers come in handy or perhaps natural solutions like using baking sodas or vinegar to rid of the sheen.

Toilet maintenance, water heater, flush them both to eradicate the sediment accumulated.

Finally, checking the water quality, and taking care of the garbage disposal, since that is the key.

Now you know how to prevent blockages and clogs, issues with the sewer line and drain clogs, this would be real helpful to avoid damages and any other potential plumbing hazards.

But despite this, you encounter any plumbing hazards or issues. Reach out to us to get instant fixes.

Contact: +91 9980806696

Visit: www.instafix.in

[crazyforkasey-blog]

When we met

Chapter 18

February 1945 somewhere in France

Easy Company Where orders on board the 40-and 8s the French rail boxcars that held forty men or eight horses. The weather was sunny and warm. The 40 and 8s were knee-deep in straw, there was plenty to eat and nobody was shooting at them.

Winters, Nixon who were drunk as a skunk, Katie and Dani were gathered around the rail depot.

Nixon pulled out a small box "Before I forget, Colonel Sink has been unhappy with the appearance of your uniform, says it's not befitting your rank" Nixon threw Winters a small box.

Winters looked at Katie who shrugged, she had no idea what the S3 officer was talking about.

Winters opened his box and revealed what was in it "Oak leaves" Winters said

Nixon jumped to attention and gave Winters a small salute.

The train ride lasted 18 hours and Dani was getting jumpy. She had a surprise for Speirs in her footlocker; it was his Christmas present. She just never got the chance to give it to him, with them being in Bastogne and all.

In Mourmelon, the company was billeted in green twelve-man tents. Once again, Dani was sharing a tent with Katie and Mia. The nurse and the doctor were busy at the hospital, so Dani spent most of her time with the men and Speirs.

The first task was to get clean. There were showers, although the water was lukewarm at best. However, for the men and women who had not had a shower since leaving Mourmelon ten weeks ago it was heaven.

Dani and Mia were standing outside waiting for the men to finish on occasion when they yelled for them to hurry the heck up.

Once the last man, who was a poor private from D Company was done Mia and Dani hurried in. Dani just stepped into the shower with her uniform on and started to strip. The dirt mixed with blood of her killed and wounded friend mixed with the water. A flood of dirty water ran down Dani.

Mia looked over at Dani and noticed the dirty water, she nodded towards Dani's legs and Dani looked down at the water that ran down her legs and down the drain, in a way it was very therapeutic and Dani felt refreshed and cleansed by the time she stepped out of the shower.

With the peace and comfort of Mourmelon came the task of integrating the new replacements into the company. The replacements arrived, duffel bags slung over their shoulders. Full of piss and vinegar ready to jump into Berlin and take on Jerry.

Winters was sitting at his desk at HQ, he was grumbling and Katie who was half-asleep on the couch swore she heard him let out a few choice words.

"Dick what's wrong" Katie asked him

"I need to bolster up my staff, but I can't figure out what way to go," Winters answered. He let out a sigh and put his hands behind his head.

With Welsh serving as battalion S3, his choice of officers for the XO position were limited. He could promote Cox and let him take the position as XO, but that would mean he had to reel in Speirs and that was not something he wanted to do.

Now McMillan from D. Company, now there was an officer, you knew you were talking to a man when you talked to him. McMillan was a great leader and he was there for the men the whole time.

…

Nixon's drinking problems didn't go unnoticed at Regiment. Sink sought out Winters.

"I have a problem Dick" Sink said and sat on the chair in front of Winters desk.

Winters knew what would come next so it was no surprise when Sink told him that Nixon was drunk all the time "I mean, I certainly knock down a few myself at night and when off duty, I can't get any damn work out of him. How did you find him to work with?"

"Well Nixon and I get along very well" Winters told Sink and thought it was funny as hell, that Sink was complaining about Nixon's drinking when Sinks nickname was bourbon Bob.

"Well you can have him back, hell every time I need him he is here anyways, so you might as well keep him" Sink left and Winters now had to tell Nixon about his demotion.

Operation varsity...The 101st thought it would be theirs, but at the last minute it was given to the 17th airborne. Sink decided to send Nixon along as an observer.

Nixon was jumpmaster and in the first seat by the door on his plane. As they took off, they could see the boys from Easy yelling and giving them the V sign.

Nixon opted to remove the door after take-off; he was looking out the door, so he could see when they reached the drop zone.

Nixon motioned for the men to "stand up, hook on, and sound of for equipment check"

Nixon waited for the green light to come on; seconds after they got the green light, the plane took a direct hit over the drop zone.

Nixon grabbed the man next to him and threw himself and the man out of the plane, all he could think about was getting to safety.

Both their chutes opened and they watched how the plane crashed, only one other soldier had made it out.

When they arrived at the assembly, point Nixon informed the CO of the battalion what happened and returned to the CP to drink himself to sleep.

Nixon was sent back over the Rhine and flown back to Mourmelon.

On the way back, just a little outside the camp, he drove past Mia and Lipton, "Was that Captain Nixon?" Mia asked Lipton

"I think so," Lipton said

"What the hell is he doing in his harness?" Mia asked

"I don't know, but let's find out" Lipton said and started to walk back towards camp

Nixon didn't speak a word on the way back to camp; he was thinking about Lane and all the men who died in vain. When he drove into camp, he almost hit Speirs and his most recent loot.

Nixon just got out and walked inside his billet, he went straight for the booze.

"Do you really think that is the answer?" Mia, who had followed asked him

"Yep" was all Nixon said

"I don't and if you don't talk to me, you are going to be a very lonely soldier soon" Mia took off her helmet and started to shrug off her jacket.

"I just don't know what I am doing here anymore, why do we fight, can you tell me that?" Nixon asked her

Mia shrugged. I don't know, but I have a feeling we will find out soon enough.

Dick walked into the room, Mia picked up her jacket, she gave Winters a look that said I tried, but failed. Winters looked at the drink Nixon had just poured and then looked at Mia, who just threw her hand up, to motion she wanted to stay out of whatever was coming and then she left.

"So you are making combat jumps with the 17th, while I am in supply briefings all morning"

Nixon started to take off his boots "Yeah lucky me"

"Well congratulations, you are probably the only officer in the 101st with three stars over your jump wings"

Nixon just looked at winters "Yeah I never fired my weapon in combat ha"

"Really? Never not even with all the action we seen?" Winters asked him

"Not a round" Nixon said and walked over and poured himself another drink

"So, how did it go this morning? The Jump?" Winters asked

"Great, fantastic, we took a direct hit over the drop zone, I got out, and two others got out" Nixon said

"And the rest of the boys?" Winters asked

"They blew up over Germany somewhere, boom" Nixon said

"Yeah, I am sorry" Winters answered him

"About what?" Nixon asked

"About the boys' tough situation" Winters answered

"Oh yeah the boys, yeah terrible, oh well it wasn't me" Nixon said

At this point Nixon took his drink and gulped it down.

"The real tragedy is, they also lost their CO, so guess who gets to write all the letters home?" Nixon threw his empty bottle in a bucket beside the door to the living room and walked through it.

Dick followed him; Nixon scrounged for some more Vat 69 and found some in a near empty bottle.

He then sat down on a chair; Winters turned and looked at him "I got a visit from Colonel Sink this morning"

"Yeah, how is the good colonel" Nixon asked

"Concerned, still drinking nothing but the Vat 69," Winters answered him

"Nothing but the finest for Mrs. Nixon's baby boy" Nixon said and saluted Winters with his drink

"Is that a problem at regiment?" Winters asked him

"What? this? Is that what he said? I just don't like up there" Nixon asked him

"Good, you be glad to hear Sink is transferring you back down to battalion S3" Winters told Nixon

"What do you think I should write to the parents?" Nixon asked his friend

"Did you hear what I said Nix, you been demoted" Winters asked him

"Demoted, yeah got it, because I don't know how to tell them their kids never even made it out of the god damn plane," Nixon retorted

"You tell them what you always tell them, their sons died as heroes," Winters told him

"You really still believe that?" asked Winters

"Yeah, yeah I do, don't you?" Winters asked Nixon

…

As March ended, so did the pleasant stay at the old garrison. The men of the 101st climbed back onto the trucks, this time bound for the west bank of the Rhine, the last obstacle to the heartland of Germany.

A couple of days later and for Nixon a couple of bottles later, Speirs, Dani, Welsh, Lipton, Mia and Nixon were gathered in the living room of Nixon's billet.

The boys were playing poker, well the boys and Mia, and she was cleaning them out. Welsh and Speirs were talking about how they couldn't believe it, how Ike was going to let the Russians get Berlin.

Nixon was running out of Vat 69 and suddenly got up "Deal me out" he said and walked out

Welsh looked around at the others "Are we waiting on him again?"

"Yeah, we're waiting" Lipton said

Nixon walked out of the house, it was pouring rain, he was officially out of Vat69. It was pouring rain. Nixon didn't notice, he was numb and he wallowed in the feeling he was drinking to keep himself from feeling his loss.

His loss of purpose, of the love of his life and the loss of control over his own life. He picked up a garbage can and threw it through the window causing the owner to open the window and scream Wie ist da.

A MP patrol pulled up. Nixon felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned his head and looked into the eyes of Dani, and she motioned for him to follow her. Dani led Nixon into his room and got him out of his wet clothes.

"Do you think she will be back?" Nixon asked

"I know she will," Dani answered, not sure if she was lying or not.

[bringmefoxgloves]

i am now actually sitting down and listening to the downward spiral in full tonight (surprising i haven't) cause i'm in a music mood. so witness my live track by track filled with a lot of imagery. that's just how my mind works. okay here we go:

damn. mr. self destruct already has my entire attention and has me by the throat. the electric guitar breakdown at the end...... just jfc that song feels like my heart is a misshapen record with scratches and it's being played with an icepick.

piggy makes me feel like i'm in the middle of the summer and walking through one of those massive drainage pipes until about minute two. and then a summer storm rolls in and i'm about to drown. and listening to trent reznor inhale in the play out is doing something to me.

heresy HOLY SHIT feels like i'm driving at night in a car that has a conversation in the front that you really want to hear but the bass boosted speakers against your back are rattling your teeth in your head so hard you can't hear anything but your bones clicking. but then you're in a car crash. also the lyrics are so wes-core i feel like this is just my brain draining out of my ears after said car crash.

march of the pigs is like you're playing a mario or sonic level from hell in the middle of a berlin nightclub while on a mixture of drugs that will have you raving for weeks. i fucking love it. the switch that feels as sudden as a tapedeck clicking on the lyrics of 'now doesn't it make you feel better?' with the piano.... if there is a way to make audio moments physical so i could fit them inside my mouth and chew? yes, that is one i would like to have.

closer.... need I say more. this is one i have heard before (you would have to be dead to not have heard closer) but now that it's in the atmosphere of the entirety of the downward spiral, it's only better. yes i want you to fuck me like an animal mr reznor. this lava lamp type of electric sound & marriage of bass is a physical presence and it is perhaps fucking me.

that transition into ruiner WAS CLEAN!!! i feel like i'm in the middle of a mosh pit that is somehow in like. idk dracula's castle. that entire section (you know the one in this) is indeed a dick metaphor. and then when the tortured guitar that sounds like it’s about to snap every one of its strings played by a resurrected jimi hendrix that really hates you in particular comes in it just is. so much. hearing the wetness of reznor's mouth as he breathes in and out is.... i shan't say.

oh WOW that cut off from ruiner to the becoming had me pausing and going wait. that's insane. anyways the becoming. teheheh i beat my machine. ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. i'm in the middle of the nightclub featured in the collection (2012). and i'm absolutely jamming to the screams while reznor's voice is carrying me by puppet strings. the switchup after the line 'but it's all clear' feels like i'm now on the floor slowly bleeding out, and then i'm being torn apart by dogs. goddamn this noise inside my head, indeed.

i do not wait this, but yes, yes, i really do want this. please keep speaking directly into my head yes. the music is scratching an itch i didn’t know i had. the entire last minute of the lyrics is #mood. hearing trent pronouncing 'fuck' in that way makes you think about the meaning of the word.

ooooo funky noise and drumbeat that has me immediately bouncing my leg. yessss big man with a gun. this is pure machismo and makes a gun the tool of sex. (meme voice) oh wow.

a warm place. just. is me floating facedown in a saltwater pool filled with water from the dead sea. i feel so cradled and light. glorious. completely immersed in this instrumental like few instrumentals ever make me.

eraser at the beginning makes me think i'm driving through some godforsaken part of the american west and the radio is on and the people in the car are making funny noises over the radio static. then that drum kicks in and the bass layers like i'm about to enter a boss battle. it's a cobra with those cartoon eyes that are swirls and it wants me to kiss it. then it all snaps apart for trent to swoop in riding a hurricane screaming: kill me.

reptile, the start has me thinking i'm back in the backroom of an empty grocery store trying to sneak away from a killer. the sudden smash in at the one minute mark is me hitting the ground. dead. the rest of the song i feel like i'm overhearing sex between an angel and a devil while i'm tied like a dog on the floor at the end of the bed.

the title track!!! the downward spiral at the start of it has me feeling like a fly buzzing against a broken glass window after escaping a dish of honey, too drunk to find my way out from the gap directly in front of me. once trent's voice comes in, with those screams in the background.... i feel like he's leaning into my ear and confessing to this in a darken movie theater watching a goresplattering flick.

and goddamn. hurt. i had heard the johnny cash cover of this before i ever heard this one, and then i listened to the original shortly after and it's the only other song i've heard before (closer was the other). but once again, with it in context of this album..... it feels like a baptism in wine you're not quite sure isn't just blood that trent reznor poured out for you from his own wrists. just. goddamn. godamn. it sounds like he has salvation right in his trembling hands and is asking you to take its heavy burden from him, please, but instead it’s a knife he guts you like a fish with, and you still say thank you.

conclusion: if i had heard this album in middle or high school i would have become a very different person i think. i might have burned down the catholic church i grew up in. i might have had sex even. that's how powerful and solid and sensual this album is. it has its reputation for a reason, and i can't believe i hadn't heard this album in full before this. but i have now. also robin finck i need your gender NOW

[ahmumbles]

Check-in from Nam

Hey, it’s me. Or you. We both know who this is.

It’s been a while... it’s been a long, long while since I’ve spoken to you like this. I used to write so much in Barcelona, especially in the beginning years, and now it’s been several years since then, since I’ve gotten lost in life’s tornado and haven’t been able to keep up with myself. Sometimes enjoying and just being, sometimes so swept away with to-do lists and organizing and endless bullet points in my notes app- organizing, decluttering, rearranging, figuring out, settling down, getting back up, moving, wondering, thinking, sighing, zoning out

Today it is April 11, 2023. 

I am currently in Hanoi, Vietnam. It’s been about 8 months since I’ve moved here. 

26 was a year of Atlanta (and working at my parent’s place and struggling with old, way-too-familiar family pains, hating working, seeing old faces, being home) with a gap in Europe (revisiting my second home of Barcelona, housesitting with Tom in stunning Lake Como, celebrating Claire’s birthday in Bosnia, staying at Laurine’s in London and Steph visiting, a wild Berlin adventure with the boys).

27 was moving with hopes, curiosity, culture shock, learning, absorbing, and loneliness. So much, so much loneliness. Feeling like 22 again when I first moved to Barcelona. Without the escape of a beach, without the freedom of breezy night walks, without sun-kissed smiling beautiful people everywhere, without looking up at the architecture in awe, without the bustling youth and energy. Hanoi has been quite the experience. I’ve undoubtedly learned so many new things- how to ride a motorbike, living by myself for the first time, teaching at a public school, Vietnamese culture, breaking out for the first time in my life, the effects of pollution, realizing that the glitz n glamour of a developing country is not what I had imagined. In many ways, it has drained me. But in other ways, it has solidified for me what I want, like, tolerate, and anticipate. The people I want to be around. The environments I feel comfortable in. Boundaries. Self-awareness. It has taught me a lot in those fields. I feel... older. I really do. I feel (and look) like I’m in my late 20s. Like all those years of reckless behavior and confused thoughts, although still not completely gone, have definitely subsided as I’ve gotten to understand myself better.

My energy has calmed down a lot. I no longer, truly no longer, have the energy to put up with many new faces. New personalities and same conversations about useless shit I don’t give a fuck about. And although I am leaving, I’m glad that I’ve given this place a try. I now realize that I should visit a city before packing up all my shit and moving there (ha). I also realize that at this moment in my life, in my final 20s, I don’t want to struggle anymore. I do eventually want to settle, and so during these final years, I want to cherish my life in places that inspire me, motivate me, and keep me evolving in the most positive way. I don’t have the time nor the patience to ‘just go along with it a bit more’ or ‘see where it goes’. I feel a lot more confident in decision-making, something that I so lacked in my earlier years. I’m glad I can say this about myself, because I don’t think I could’ve just a few years back.

Although I am realizing there are some things I do genuinely enjoy: skating on a smooth wide ground, making ceramics n all the endless ideas of trinkets for home decor, tattooing a sick design I really love, a fucking good book I can’t put down, a movie that slams your heart, actually good clean coffee, going to the cinema alone with butter popcorn, traveling to a new city (alone or with someone I love), seeing landscapes that make me feel so small and insignificant,

I haven’t had the.., no I’ve had the time, just not the motivation to really pursue these loves of mine this (almost) past year (or more). I think because I’ve decided that this place isn’t for me, I’ve kind of just given up on doing anything about it until I leave. Sometimes I wonder if Haerin is right, if I just keep running away from things, or, on the flip-side, I just chase what I want and won’t put up with something I no longer care for.

Some things on my mind though, that’s actually what prompted me to start this post, are the following:

- I am, and have always been, so good at being alone. Being alone, doing nothing. Lockdown in 2020 obviously came with its difficulties, but it was also one of the only times in my entire life that I was able to be still. And I love being still. Just like in Lake Como. I need these moments of just being still, not thinking, not watching anything, not even sleeping, just moments to be blank and I feel those moments recharge me more than any activity ever could.

- I am also still my own torturer. I love hating myself. I love criticizing myself. And I still love overthinking things. To be fair, I have numbed out a lot, maybe since I moved to Hanoi, but I still get these waves of emptiness and sadness, with such intensity, but it doesn’t even bother me anymore. I’ve realized that that side of me is just part of me, and I’m working on not getting rid it, but of accepting it and learning how to work with it. I think that breakdown on shrooms when I had Covid in Atlanta after Cancun in August 2022 was what I needed for a very long time. I cried more than I had in many years combined. Rivers of sadness, mostly stemming from my family, mostly about my brother, just pouring out of me, shriveling me up. I needed that. It broke me.

- I’m learning about love. Aran was my first boyfriend, my first everything, the one who spoiled me silly and made me feel butterflies and a perfect introduction to relationships as I started my 20s. Ferran was my bridge between being a young girl to a maturing woman and my best friend, made me laugh more than anyone, especially in the beginning, but also showed me what I don’t want in any future relationships, especially towards the end. Tom was the unexpected curveball that’s taught me the messiness of ‘relationships’, non-labeling labels, a comfort space that I pried open and snuggled myself into, the calm, level-headed situationship that I started to feel myself maturing in and making me question what it is I want in love and who I want to love and how I can love someone the best I can. A rooted yet emotional person that’s taught me about communication which has been one of my biggest downfalls throughout my entire life.

- I don’t know where I am at life at the moment. I’m 27, 28 in a few months, and although I’ve been enjoying that each year in my 20s have counted for something and that age is just a number, especially nowadays, for some reason 30 still scares the absolute shit out of me. It looks old. It sounds old. It feels heavy. I’m not ready to approach it. I feel a giant weight that I need to start providing for my parents soon, finally, after all their years of slaving away. I want to help my mom, so much, it feels like my heart is physically breaking when I think about her aging and still working and her body breaking down and me being across the country. Their house got broken into recently and they took all her bags, cash, gold, and most importantly- the hand-me-down jewelry she’s been saving to give to me since I was young. Always reminding me that she’ll give me this necklace and this pair of earrings in a few years. Just a bit more. And some bastards took all of that away from a woman that never splurged on herself. That never cared for herself the way she’s always deserved to be cared for, since her birth.

- I don’t know how I’m going to provide for my parents. I don’t know how I’m going to buy a house, buy furniture, buy kitchen appliances, buy a car or bike, grow my savings, start a retirement fund, or any of that adult shit when I don’t even know if I want to be a teacher anymore. I’ve been so drained with teaching, especially after a long-break of working at my parent’s place in between, and the middle schoolers in Hanoi have been a nightmare for me. Enough to make me start to hate teaching. To feel like it’s useless. I don’t feel respected, I don’t feel inspired, I don’t feel patient, loving, empathetic, accepting, or any of those magical emotions that I felt before and thought I’d always feel when it came to teaching. This might be the first time in my life since I was young that I’ve really started to question my career choice. And it’s not good for someone like me who has always prided herself in being rock-solid in this aspect of my life.

- I’m definitely coming to deeper terms with what friendship means to me. My Atlanta girls are still and probably, hopefully, will always be my roots. Haerin, Stephanie, Chanell, Julie. Even Jaehee and Christine and Joanna. My Barcelona friends have definitely floated away a bit- Jess, Claire, Leo, Dan, Laurine, Liam, but they still hold a special place in my heart and I know we will always cherish each other whenever we do reunite. But I’m realizing that these friends I have, they’re enough. I don’t really want anymore. I don’t want to go through the hassle of making new friends in each new city I move to, but I know that I have to, because I am still human. And as stubborn and detached as I can be, I know that sometimes loneliness aches me to the core and I lose sight of joy, laughter, acceptance, and a feeling of warmth.

- I hope Japan works out, and I don’t expect that my life will drastically change where I’m all of a sudden happy and full of spirit. But I hope that I am inspired in a bigger city, that even if I am alone, at least I am in the #1 country that sees beauty in being alone, and I know that I will evolve even more there. In its own inevitable way.

These are a few things that’s been on my mind, in the most condensed way possible. Skipping so many single moments that have weighed heavy on me up to this point. But I guess that’s life. Every day, every moment, may feel so big, but time never stops, and eventually it’s been a week, then two, then a few months, and when you look back, some of those moments are just flashbacks in your mind, and you forget. You block it out. Your other moments over power those moments.

Well Ange, I want you to know that the Ange right now, in this moment, is feeling lonely. Feeling sad about Tom. Feeling disheartened with teaching. Feeling sorry for myself. But also in its own way, enjoying this time alone. She’s feeling confused. She’s continuing with her weekly lists, finishing them one by one, making new ones, never-ending hamster ball of her brain... feeling like having control of the little things in her life will make her feel like life is okay. And I’m not so sure it is.

[elizabethemerald]

Protective Instincts: Part 2

Dani returns to Amity Park and a Surprise!

Danielle Fenton flew lazily over corn fields and the scattered patches of woods of Illinois. She used to think this state was beautiful. When she had first emerged from the pod Vlad had used to create her, all she had known was shiny metal walls, the glowing green pods of her siblings, and the pictures of Danny’s family that Vlad had shown her. She was supposed to replace Danny, destroy him. Instead Danny showed her the world. 

It was Danny who convinced her that they didn’t have to fight. Danny who encouraged her to explore their hometown. And it was Danny who was the one who checked up on her whenever she was gone for too long. 

Now that Dani had taken to exploring the rest of the wide world, Illinois and little Amity Park just didn’t have the same appeal it once had. The arcade was tiny and the games hadn’t been updated in a while and the town didn’t even have a skate park! Plus almost everyone in the town only spoke English. Vlad had implanted the language and just about a dozen others directly into her brain when he was trying to produce his perfect child. Dani had much more fun in New York, LA, Berlin where she could hear and speak even more languages than she had known existed. Part of the fun of exploring the world was learning as much as she could of the other languages of the world. 

Slowly the city of Amity itself came into view. Really it was high time she returned to Danny’s home. She had felt more and more drained as she flew and she knew her ectoplasm levels were getting dangerously low. If she wasn’t careful she would need another dose of Ecto-dejecto to keep from melting. She and Danny really needed to work on a better solution to keeping her from destabilizing. She wanted to explore the world, not get anchored to Amity just because Vlad was bad at biology. 

Dani floated over the first of the buildings of Amity, still letting her thoughts spin idly in her head. The most annoying part about having to return to Amity and risk running into Vlad again was that she hadn’t even been able to contact her siblings to see how things had been going in the city. She had lost the charger for her phone somewhere over Guadalajara and hadn’t been able to call Danny. She was sure he was worried sick. 

She passed over the school and ignored the small part of her that longed for that very normal part of a childhood that she had missed. Sure Vlad had ensured she was better educated than most high school graduates, but it just wasn’t the same to have information uploaded into her brain rather than learned in between bullying sessions and ghost attacks. Or maybe that was just Danny’s experience and still wasn’t normal. Who was she to say?

 Dani froze for a moment when the OPS center that sat on top of Fenton Works should have come into view. Then she raced towards Danny’s home. 

All she found was a crater filled with ash. 

The neighboring homes looked like they had taken some damage, but for the most part they had already been repaired. Some windows that looked newer than the rest, some chips in the paint, possibly from debris, and a touch of soot in the corners where it was hard to clean. Whatever had happened here, had happened a while ago. 

Dani was panicking. Where was Danny? Was Jazz away at school? Were Sam and Tucker safe? Where was her family? What had happened? 

Before she could build up to a proper panic attack, Dani screamed as an ecto blast burned across her shoulder. She turned, tears immediately springing into her eyes at the pain. Jack and Maddie were stepping out of the GAV, ecto blasters already in their hands and aimed their way. It seems at least some of her family survived whatever happened. She didn’t have any longer before they started firing at her again. 

“We’ll tear you apart, you bloody ghost!” Jack screamed up at her. “Changing your hair won’t fool us!” 

Dani flew away as fast as she could, but the Fentons were keeping pace. Danny wasn’t usually too worried about his parents actually hitting with their weapons unless he dropped his guard or they got off a lucky shot. He was trained in dodging ecto blasts by fights with the best ghosts in the Zone like Skulker, Fright Knight and even freaking Vlad. Jack and Maddie had trained to hit Danny, and Dani had never been as fast as he was. 

She was taking hit after hit from their ecto weapons. Maddie even pulled out what looked like a completely normal gun and shot her! Dani did her best not to scream in pain as the bullet dug into her shoulder. 

Jack pulled out a canon and aimed it at her. Dani sobbed, she didn’t think she was going to be able to dodge this one. She didn’t even know what had happened to her brother and she was going to die and there was still so much of the world to explore. Jack fired, and a beam of green energy raced towards her. 

A blur of red flashed before her eyes and the Red Huntress appeared between her and the beam. Valerie bounced the beam off with her hoverboard, like bouncing a laser off a mirror. She carefully tilted her board so the blast rocketed off into the sky rather than into one of the nearby homes. Val turned and grabbed what looked like an upgraded Fenton Thermos in her typical red from her belt and aimed it at Dani. 

“Turn invisible on my count.” Val ordered softly. “Three, two, one!” 

A light flashed out of the thermos and Dani let herself fade from view. She sighed in relief as Val took over the situation. With Valerie here, everything should be ok. 

Val took a second to make sure Danielle was completely invisible before she gave a sharp nod and reclipped the thermos to her back. The heads up display in her helmet showed that she was still nearby, so she quickly minimized the display as she descended towards the Drs. Fenton. 

“Thanks for your assistance, Doctors, but I need to remind you… again… that by city law I am the only licensed Ghost Hunter allowed.” Val said once she was within speaking range. The two doctors put up their weapons, more than a touch sullenly. 

“I know, but there was a blasted ghost! And we-”

“Yes. I’m aware there was a ghost. However, Mayor Masters has declared that ghost hunting is too dangerous with far too high of levels of civilian casualties and property destruction. If you don’t have a license you are not allowed to hunt ghosts.” 

“Would you happen to know if Vladdie has seen our appeal after our application was denied?” 

Valerie took a moment to glance around. The Fentons had landed far more hits on Danielle than they ever would have landed on Danny, but they still had numerous misses that had left blast marks on surrounding buildings. Plus Jack Fenton had driven the GAV over half a dozen yards, destroying several mailboxes, fences and a fire hydrant. 

“I don’t personally work with the mayor, however I would imagine that considering you continue to try to operate without a license, and you’ve probably caused close to thirty thousand dollars in property damage today alone, I somewhat doubt it.” 

“There was a ghost! Who even knows how much harm the ghost could have caused if we didn’t intervene!” 

Ancients. She hated trying to argue with the Fentons. Danny was stubborn enough, but talking with these two was like talking to an especially thick brick wall. She pulled up the official record of the encounter on her onboard computer. 

“15:37 First reported sighting of ghost. Spector flew overhead, did not interact with citizens or property. 15:43 Multiple reports of sightings of the ghost. No reports of conflict or damage. 15:45 Fenton and Fenton engage the ghost without license. Between 15:46 and 16:00 numerous reports of destruction of property or near misses of civilians by Fenton and Fenton.” She paused for a moment then typed into the keyboard on her wrist as she spoke out loud. “16:02 Spector detained by RH.” 

“You seem awfully supportive of the ghost. Maybe we should check you for ecto contamination.” 

Valerie was so glad that her helmet kept them from being able to see her eyes. Because she was desperately rolling them. She almost wanted them to try. Her suit would protect her from their weapons and her father would see them behind bars for assault.

“Doctors, I don’t want to have to call the police on you again, but if you continue to engage with ghost hunting without a license I will have no choice. Now good day.” 

“Wait! What about the ghost! Since you captured it, would you mind handing it over to us?” 

Val felt a sick twist of her gut at the malicious gleam in their eyes. She would rather die. 

“Unfortunately, federal law dictates that all captured ecto entities must be turned over to the GIW as soon as possible. Now I really must continue my patrol in case there are other ghosts in the area.” 

She took off back into the air away from the Fentons, ignoring as they growled and complained behind her. She would be turning her information over to the sheriff to make sure they were issued another citation and fine for ghost hunting without a license. It was a small revenge, but it was all she could take for now. Her helmet display showed that the ghost from earlier was still hanging around so she slowly flew towards a secluded rooftop where the two could have a conversation. 

Val landed then dropped her helmet back, allowing her tight curls to spring free of containment. Danielle also dropped her invisibility, though she hovered a few feet away. Val could see several burn marks from the Fentons’ ecto blasts and the tracks of tears on her face. 

“Are you really working with Vlad and the GIW?” Danielle asked before Val could say a word. 

“No, I’m not. That’s a cover Danny and the others worked out.” 

“Where is my brother?” There was a tinge of desperation in her voice. 

“He’s safe. They’re all safe.” Valerie was quick to tell the other girl. “Danny’s parents hurt him real bad, but Jazz and the others got him out and he ended up in Gotham. Apparently the bats came and got Tucker and Sam and rescued Jazz.” 

“Oh, thank the Ancients.” Dani settled bonelessly onto the rooftop, her relief almost tangible in the air. Then after a second she popped back to her feet. “That means I need to go to Gotham to make sure they’re- Ouch!”

Val was at Dani’s side in a moment as the girl winced and cringed. 

“You stubborn idiot!” Val snapped, pushing the girl down into a sitting position. Then she pulled out the medical kit contained in her suit and began treating her injuries. “I swear I dealt with enough of your brother’s stupid desire to just ignore it any time he got hurt, now I have to deal with you!” 

Dani gave her a small smile, grimaced a little as Val dabbed at the ecto burns then tried to smile again. 

“Thank you?” Danielle said. Val huffed and continued her ministrations. “Since I have to stay here while you help me anyway, would you mind catching me up on what I’ve missed? What’s this about a ghost hunting license?”

Val took a moment to sigh before she started explaining. 

“It’s basically the team’s plan to keep the city and the ghosts safe.” Val said. “Each of us had a part in the idea. Jazz said that a singular official ghost hunter would keep everyone safer. The ghosts hardly cause any damage anymore, and after Danny faced Pariah, none of them want to hurt humans anymore. Which makes the ghost hunters the biggest threats. Sam, despite her vehement dislike for all of law enforcement, was the one who pushed for me to get deputized so I would have more authority. Tucker hacked into the mayoral office while Vlad was in hiding after his latest ass kicking. Tuck managed to put through a bill and it’s now city law, supposedly signed by the mayor himself.” 

Val finished treating Dani’s injuries to the best of her ability. She had a lot of first aid training, and Danny had given her a first aid kit specifically for dealing with injured ghosts, but it still wasn’t her strongest suit. 

“Then Danny took my suit apart all the way to bare bones and rebuilt it from the ground up. I’ve got the tech to deal with everything from the strongest of ghosts in the Zone, to common criminals. I even have the ability to tangle with some of the Justice League threats, not Superman level maybe, but at least like Mr. Freeze or Captain Boomerang. Now that Danny’s got an in with the Bats, they’re going to try and get me in contact with Young Justice and some of the proteges.”

Dani turned with a bright smile on her face, and threw her arms around Val and pulled her into a tight hug. Valerie couldn’t help the heat that rose in her face as Dani beamed at her. 

“Way to go Red! You’re making it to the big leagues now! That’s great!” Then her head tilted like a cat’s. “Aren’t you worried about ecto contamination from having to wear your suit so much?” 

Valerie smiled and pulled Dani down so the two girls were sitting side by side. Some of the other girl’s hair fell into her face as she relaxed causing Val to huff in annoyance and gently move the hair behind her ear. Dani gave her another breathtaking smile and Val jerked her hand back and turned away to stare at the skyline. 

“Ghost boy is actually a pretty good engineer. Better than Vlad anyway. Certainly better than his parents.” Val turned her arm to show Dani the inside of her wrist where a small green light glowed. “My suit actively pulls ectoplasm out of my body. Once Danny is back on his feet again he wants to patent the design and sell it as medical equipment. It should help prevent liminals like Tucker, Sam or especially Jazz from happening on accident.” 

Dani leaned into Valerie’s side as the two girls watched the horizon together. Val suddenly found it very hard to swallow and had to fight not to say anything stupid. In her head she could hear Sam laughing at her and calling her a “Useless Lesbian.” She quickly cleared her throat and searched for a topic to keep the conversation flowing. 

“What about you, Ghost?” Val would deny until her dying day if anyone accused her of her voice cracking. “What have you been up to?” 

“Oh! I’ve been caving! It’s so fun being able to go and explore all these really deep caves! And the good thing about being a half ghost is I don’t have to breathe, I can see in the dark and I can just phase through any obstructions! I think I might take it up professionally, I get to explore the entire world, map out cool caves and-” 

Val listened as Dani excitedly talked about the caves she had explored recently. Dani’s hands flapped wildly as she spoke, only pausing in her stimming when she needed to emphasize a specific point. She had never had an interest in caving, or caves in general before today but now she was starting to think caves might be her favorite topic as long as Danielle kept talking about them. Useless Lesbian.  

The whole time Dani talked she leaned into Valerie’s side and Val finally bucked up enough courage to put her arm around the other girl’s shoulders and pull her even closer. She twined her fingers through Dani’s long, black hair and played with it gently while she talked. Though she almost got her hand stuck in Dani’s waves when the ghost girl suddenly jumped to her feet. 

“Oh! I need to get going! I’ve got to get to Gotham and check in with Danny, double check that he's ok. Maybe he can make me some caving gear! Oh, wait. Valerie, could I borrow your phone charger?” 

Val had to take a moment to process the sudden and rapid changes in topic, before she nodded and handed over a cable from her suit. 

“Am I going to get that back, Ghost?” 

Dani looked a little embarrassed before she shook her head. 

“Probably not. But don’t worry. I’ll have Danny buy you a new one. And you know you can call me by my name if you like!” 

“Oh, of course, D-danielle.” Val felt more heat rising in her cheeks as she stumbled over her name. 

“Maybe try Dani, Dani with an I?” 

“I don’t want to get you mixed up with Danny with a Y. You know I stopped dating him for a reason.” 

Dani tilted her head to the side like a cat and oh Ancients! That’s cute. And then she tilted it just a little further than human bodies were supposed to be able to, and while a little disconcerting it was still cute. 

“Is the reason because he’s a boy?” 

“Yes, the reason is he’s a boy!” Val all but snapped, the words tripping over each other in her rush. 

“How about Ellie then?” 

Val froze. Ellie. That’s a pretty name. 

“Ok, Ellie.” Val said the name softly. Ellie immediately lit up like a beacon and gave her a quick hug and before Val could even react, Ellie had pressed a kiss to her cheek and taken off into the sky. 

Val stared after the dot of her rapidly disappearing from view until she finally shook herself clear and snapped her helmet back over her head. Useless Lesbian. Shut up Sam!

[blackacre13]

Killing eve part 2 please

Part four is here. So here's Part five!

“Neighbor?” He sighed, looking up over Knave’s head as he waved at a naive looking blonde man. “Send him away,” he hissed. “You have a dinner party to get ready for.”

“A dinner party?” Knave cooed. “Oh, do tell.”

“Don’t get too excited,” he huffed. “I’m not taking you. You’re taking someone out.”

Knave was good at blending in. It was what she did. And there was nothing like disappearing into the crowd of a party.

When her assignments took her out on the streets, people had their guard up. They were suspicious of what lurked in the shadows. Of ponytails that could be tugged around a corner. Of wallets that could be snatched from their pockets.

It was different when she was in someone’s home. They were relaxed. They felt safe. But a party was even better. They weren’t just comfortable and at ease. They were carefree.

Things went unnoticed. Inhibitions were lowered. Life was a blur of costumes and color and food and alcohol. If anything, sneaking in as a member of the waitstaff was child’s play and well below her level of expertise, but it made for a nice break, she supposed. And who didn’t love Paris?

It was simple. Staking out her target as she strode around the room in a well-fitting suit with a silver tray balanced on her hand, the vial of poison tucked away in her bra where no-one could get to it or would suspect a thing.

It was almost kismet. Using a vial of liquid to murder a parfumier. It tickled the senses. Literally.

As Knave knew she would be, she was unsuspecting, even asking Knave to assist her with her dress after coming out of the stall, her pupils dilated and her speech slightly stirred. Tipsy and delighted and happy.

And then she was dead. And the blonde was the only one there to watch the color drain out of her face and her eyes glaze over. The life leaving her eyes. Her pulse freezing completely.

Another one for the books. She wiped her hands clean of it, popping a mint from the bowl on the counter of sinks into her mouth with a grin as she left the room, exiting from the party. Mission accomplished.

____________________________________________________________

“How the hell are we too late?” Debbie exhaled, sinking her face into the palm of her hands as she let out a small, frustrated growl. “She’s too good. Too fast.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Debbie,” Amita sighed. “We know she’s unstoppable. That’s why we let you run with this and go after her. We’re the only people on the right track. Everyone else is blind to what’s going on.”

“It’s just mind-blowing,” the brunette shook her head, staring at the map on the wall as she stood. “Where are these assignments coming from? We don’t even know why she’s being told to kill the people she’s killing. Nothing in common. Each victim in a different country.”

“And we know practically nothing about her,” Amita scoffed. “I mean, Knave? That’s not a real name.”

“Can’t be,” Debbie agreed. “I’m sure it’s a cover or she changed it or maybe her handler. But there’s nothing right now to trace it back to the truth. And if she’s working for someone, we know the victims have nothing in common with each other and nothing in common with her. No connection. It’s futile.”

“Not futile, boss,” Nine smiled, printing out a slip of paper and handing it to Amita as Debbie peered over.

“Holy shit,” Debbie breathed, her eyes widening as she took in the words slowly.

“Apparently, you just committed murder, Debbie Ocean,” Amita whispered.

“And I did it in Berlin,” Debbie added.

“She’s testing you,” Nine nodded. “This is our shot.”

[elliestormfound]

Prompt idea: soft winter Jaskier comforting his Witcher after a rough day? 🥔

thank you for the lovely prompt, potato! <3

Geraskier established relationship, there is nakedness but in a non-sexual way, only fluff, 1158 words 

read on ao3

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“Geralt, what happened?” Jaskier asked.

Geralt stood in the hallway of Kaer Morhen and there was snow and rubble in his hair and on his shoulders. 

He had been working on fixing a hole in the roof of the barn but it had started to snow heavily and the weight of it had made the roof collapse. Onto Geralt. 

He had been lucky the heavy wooden beam had missed him by a few centimeters, only a pile of snow and rubble had landed on him. He had dug himself out, growled “fuck” and abandoned the work for the day. 

“Couldn’t fix the roof of the barn,” he murmured.

“Are you hurt?” Jaskier asked, brows furrowed in concern. 

“No,” Geralt said, “just dirty.”

Jaskier smirked quickly but the look of concern returned quickly. He closed the distance and cupped Geralt’s face in his hand and said quietly, “let me help you clean up.”

Geralt closed his eyes for a moment and just enjoyed the light touch.

“You don’t have to,” Geralt said as he opened his eyes a moment later. But Jaskier still smiled at him and lightly stroked his cheekbone with his thumb.

“Let me take care of you, darling,” Jaskier tried again, “like on the path.” 

Geralt nodded finally. Honestly, he had only not said yes instantly out of habit. Now that he thought about it, he realized that he had missed this.

Not that he was complaining. Spending time with Jaskier in the winter in Kaer Morhen was wonderful, but there was something special about the moments after a fight when Jaskier took over. When he helped him unbuckle his armor, undress and patch up any injuries and to get clean - when they were lucky in a bathtub of an inn and when they were less fortunate, with soft scraps of cloth and cold water in a clearing in the woods.

Jaskier took his hand and they made their way down, not to Geralt’s room, but to the baths. Jaskier had been delighted to find out that the witchers had hot springs in their cold keep in the mountains and had built a beautiful bathing chamber with a pool where up to ten people could sit comfortably emerged in the warm water.

There was an area for undressing with a wooden bench and shelves for the clothes. Jaskier helped Geralt out of his jacket and shirt and was humming quietly. Geralt stayed silent and just enjoyed the attention and soft touches of his bard. 

“Now sit down, love,” Jaskier said to his witcher and kneeled down in front of him. Slowly he removed Geralt’s boots and socks and when the witcher stood up once more, his pants and underpants. Jaskier undressed himself quickly too.

Then he took Geralt by the hand once more and they made their way further into the bathing chamber. It was always comfortably warm in there and smelled pleasantly of bathing salts and expensive soap from Toussaint. 

Jaskier led Geralt to a wooden stool that stood over a drain in the floor and gestured for him to sit down. He fetched a bucket, filled it with warm water and then placed it on the floor next to the witcher.

“Let’s remove the worst of the dirt before you go into the pool,” he said softly as he stood behind Geralt. He placed his hands on the witcher’s head and was rewarded with a quiet humm. 

Carefully he losend and removed the leather band that held the white hair in a bun on Geralt’s head. Then he brushed his fingers through the hair to let it down. Small bits of rubble fell to the floor. 

Geralt felt his shoulders relax and could finally let go of the tension in his jaw. He leaned back against Jaskier, not with his full weight, just so he could feel the bard’s soft belly against his back. 

He hadn’t realized how stressed and tense he had been. The last few days had been quite stressful. He had tired himself out training with Vesemir, Lambert and Eskel but there had been some tension left that now dissolved under Jaskier’s caring touch.

There was something special about Jaskier’s fingers in his hair, his quiet humming and the way he always seemed to know what Geralt needed in that moment - massaging sore muscles in his shoulders or fingers gently scraping his scalp. 

A moment later Jaskier squeezed his shoulder and said, “lean forward for a moment.”

He walked over to the shelf and retrieved a bowl the size of his hand and a bit of soap.

“Now lean your head back a bit,” he said and let his hands run through Geralt’s white hair once more. Jaskier leaned down and filled the bowl with water and let it run through Geralt’s hair, careful not to get any in his eyes.

“Is this okay?” he asked, “not too hot or too cold?”

“Perfect,” Geralt murmured. Jaskier took the soap in his hands and began to wash the witcher’s hair. He massaged the soap in the white strands from Geralt’s head to the ends. When everything was soaped to Jaskier’s satisfaction he rinsed it out till the hair was clean and as white as it was supposed to be.

“You can get in the pool now,” Jaskier said a moment later, lightly squeezing his shoulder, “I’ll be with you in a minute.” He cleaned up and brought the bowl and soap back to the shelf and heard a small splash as Geralt slipped into the pool.

Jaskier smiled as he heard a content sigh from Geralt. He walked over and slid in the pool himself. It was too small to swim, so he stood in the warm water for a moment before he made the few steps to stand in front of Geralt. He looked him over closely. 

“You missed this,” Jaskier said after a moment, “didn’t you?”

Geralt narrowed his eyes in confusion and said, “the bathing chamber?”

Jaskier chuckled and made another step towards him.

“No, silly,” he said smiling, “me taking care of you after a fight.”

With a small smile that was only for Jaskier Geralt nodded barely visible.

“I missed it too,” Jaskier said, “even if you only fought a collapsing roof.” 

Geralt smiled wider at that, reached out to him and said, “come here.” 

Jaskier let himself get pulled to his witcher and in his lap. Geralt wrapped his arm around Jaskier’s middle and hugged him close. Over the last few weeks Jaskier had gained a bit of weight, and Geralt was enjoying the softness of Jaskier’s body against his toned one.

He buried his face in his neck and sighed contentedly. 

Jaskier put his arms around Geralt’s neck and leaned his head on Geralt’s and whispered, “I love you.”

Geralt mumbled, “I love you too.”

They sat like this for a while, just enjoying each other and the warmth of the water that surrounded them.

----------

Tag list: @jaskierswolf @geraskier-trashh @hailhailsatan @panerato @marvagon @x-anxious @moonysourenza @kaktusbambus @wildonewrites @dapandapod @honeysuckletook @thecomfortofoldstorries @electricrituals @broken-verses @vampire--dad @whenrainbowsend @geralt-of-riviass @sleepy-thief @artistsfuneral @hriive @stinastar @innocentbi-stander @darkangel91939 @in-love-with-writing002 @fandommagpie @fontegagrilledcheese @kozkaboi @nonegenderleftpain @veritasrose @havenoffandoms @feral-jaskier @llamasdumpsterfire @dhwty-writes @your-lordsherlockholmes-posts @berlin-buttercup (please let me know if you want to be added on or removed from my tag list)

[strayinvelvet]

still at it

work is starting to pile and you kind of expected your boyfriend to support you, not annoy you

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: fluff, implied enemies-to-lovers

wc: 1.3k

warning: swearing :(

a/n: happy hearts day, cuties! part of @districtninewriters​ dear skz, with love. this took so long mainly because of the recent news, yea. i’m so nervous about this i really hope i did the prompt and project some justice. phew (っ＾▿＾)💨. enjoyyy (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

“You’re insufferable.”

You rolled your eyes at the neon yellow post-it note placed on your office desk. It’s still early in the morning and you have a long eventful day ahead of you which is why you tried to get to work as early as possible. 

The busy days have officially started for your company.  Your partner company is planning to launch a new collection in their fast-growing fashion brand in Berlin and your company, being the most sought out marketing team in the industry, is tasked to implement the most appropriate marketing and advertising plan for the collection. Even the people working for you are already on their desks working on what they are assigned to do. Some are having coffee while some are already writing papers that are nearing their deadline. In conclusion, everybody looked busy and none of them looked suspicious enough to be part of this very eye catching note thing.

Rolling your eyes once again, you sat at your table and picked up the surprise note. Truthfully, even at first glance, you already know the person behind it. How could you forget this one of a kind handwriting, the one you so hated to see back when you were in high school. Han Jisung. That little shit is still going at it.

You folded it in half before placing it in between the pages of your planner. As if on cue, your secretary knocked on your office door asking for permission to enter. As soon as she entered your office, she immediately briefed you of your schedule for today. Meetings, briefings and scheduling of future meetings and partnerships. Exciting. You’re starting to regret all of your life choices.

“Oh and by the way, is this yours?” she showed another yellow note, “this was stuck on your office door.” You sighed. Just how many of these did he make? “Leave it on my table and then meet me at the meeting hall for the first meeting,” you gestured towards your table. “Will do.” with that, she left you to do your own stuff. 

“And annoying.”

Yep, he’s one of the decisions you’re starting to regret (maybe not but you like exaggerating). You’re not gonna lie, at this time of the year, you expected little notes that would inspire you, make your heart sing love songs, or rush the blood to your cheeks. These notes, however,  only made your blood boil. You swore that when you see him once you’re back from Berlin, he’s going to get it. You kept the note the same way you did to the previous ones. Goodness, if only he wasn’t a major player of your partner company. 

You reached for your phone and dialed his phone number and true enough he answered just after two rings, “Are you fucking for real?”

You heard him laugh at the other line before asking your question, “Shouldn’t you be planning our marketing strategy?”

“I am and your lovely notes are helping me big time, seriously. And shouldn’t you be working on the collection’s designs instead of this bullshit?”

“Hey, I am currently approving those that are outstanding. I’m not like you who-”

You know he’s gonna bully you, you just know. So, you quickly ended the call before anymore bullshit comes out of his mouth. With your nth eye roll for the day, you stood up to attend your first agenda.

Hours passed and the series of formal business stuff is starting to get to you. Your butt is sore from sitting all day, plus your muscles are in dire need of a stretch. The last meeting of the day has just been adjourned minutes ago and you and your secretary are taking your time to breathe in your office. "Miss Y/n, your trip to Berlin is in two days. Have you packed?” well until your secretary went to business mode real quick. 

“Kim, please, give me a minute,” you laughed but answered her question nonetheless, “Yes, I have and oh, can you try to squeeze in my schedule for the first four days so I could have the last two to myself?”

“That would drain you,” she answered confusingly. She’s not wrong, tho. You contemplated for a while but honestly, you wanted to explore Berlin too and you can’t do that by sitting in a meeting room for a week. “Better than seeing Berlin through a floor-to-ceiling window glass pane.”

Kim nodded, "I will update your schedule. Maybe you should bring your boyfriend over," she suggested which also suggests that she doesn’t know who the notes are from. “It’s a business trip, Kim. And I don’t know if i should agree or disagree with that.”

You both laughed lightly before Kim left you to fix your schedule per your request. You, on the other hand, are willing to give everything just to lay on your bed or have a warm shower. Whatever door is nearer to your entrance. So you left as fast as you arrived at this building just to feel the comfort of your home.

The apartment you were greeted with is not the same apartment you left. You left yours with unfolded clothes everywhere, full trash bin and sink and a disorganized living room. You tend to be messy when you’re ridiculously busy. But this, the place in front of you, is like a whole different scene. Every corner is squeaky clean from the shoe organizer to the kitchen. The apartment lights are also set to dim with candle lights and all but enough to see everything. Soon after, the smell of delicious food wafted through your nose. 

The hints are giving you an idea of what is going on.

You went to the kitchen only to see a romantic dinner set up complete with those fancy utensils, fancy food, candles and wine, and of course, a yellow note.

“But i’m willing to suffer for you. Happy valentines, baby”

This dork, you thought while smiling like a goof (which you tried to hide). 

“Han Jisung!” you called him. His head peeped through the doors of your bedroom with a big grin on his face. “Were you surprised?”

You couldn’t contain the smile anymore and so you let it out, “come here.” You gestured to him to come over with your arms hanging in the air as if waiting for him to come nearer so you could wrap it around his neck. He came out with a bouquet of fresh daisies in his hand which he had to place on top of the dining table in order to accept your cuddle invitation. Jisung kissed your forehead before securely wrapping his arms on your waist. “Did you like it?”

“Aside from being partly annoyed, yes actually,” you tightened your arms around his neck so you could pull him down to give him a proper kiss. This wasn’t part of your relaxation plan but you are glad to welcome him in your routine, as always. The kiss was starting to get heated when you pulled away from him and loosened your grip, making him look at you with a questioning gaze.

“Thank you for cleaning my apartment and all this.”

“Anything for you, my love,” he kissed your cheek, “and I also did almost half of your work in Berlin so you could relax a little,” then he kissed your other cheek. For some reason, he has to accompany each of his sentences with a kiss. But nevertheless, it still made you giggle. “I’m not thanking you for the notes, though- wait, am i really insufferable?” You looked at him like you’ve just been betrayed. Out of all people, he had the audacity to tell you you’re the insufferable one?

He smiled, “no baby,” he pecked your lips before continuing, “ you just annoy me sometimes.”

“So you just had to annoy me first?” you asked with a smirk forming on your lips.

He shrugged, “guess I’m still at it.” This time, he accompanied his replies with a brush to your stray hair with his fingers just so he could look at you properly. You squished his chubby cheeks together, forming a pout in his already adorable face.

“Yeah,” you pecked the pout you forced, “I guess we’re still at it.”

end.

yayyy omg this may or may not be from an e2l au that is currently sitting in my drafts hmm 

[luca-moreno]

Operation Asteria

after X & before X (Unnecessarily long and indulgent and probably just generally unnecessary but it was crap day)

By the time Kate had seen to both Eva and Luca, Ben had fallen asleep, still in his armor, propped up against the wall beside Luca’s bed in the medbay. 

She crouched down in front of him. “Phoenix Roosevelt. Ben... wake up.”

He blinked at her blearily once, dark eye lashes fluttering against scarred cheeks before closing again. With the dried blood and dust caked on his armor, it didn’t take much to understand he was almost as depleted as Eva. Kate sent a call out to Thurman but he took one look at the sleeping phoenix and shook his head.

“I can’t move him, sugar. He’s too heavy in that armor for me. Best off getting that big one in here.”

“Zeus?”

“Yeah.” Thurman turned away from the phoenix and leaned over Luca, peering into the engineer’s face. “Is he gonna be okay?”

Kate threaded her arm through his and leaned into him as they stood beside Luca’s side. She wished she could join the two sleeping figures in a bunk and sleep too but there was no one else on board to take the strain and she had already been working for too many days straight. “Yes, but nothing a good rest won’t cure.”

Thurman curled his arm around her. “They aren’t the only ones that need rest. When was the last time you slept?”

“About the same time you did.”

“Not good enough.”

Kate sighed, releasing him to move over to her terminal. She sent off a quick message to the phoenix, wondering if either Ajax or Zeus were available. She suspected they would be the only two that could prompt Phoenix Roosevelt to move.

In the meantime, she prepped the treatments the smaller vanguard would need and tried not to disturb the captain where he had also fallen asleep in the chair by the fury’s bed. At least he had managed to change out of his armor and into comfortable fatigues, although even that had been a fight to drag him away from Eva’s side long enough to achieve it. 

“There’ll be time to rest later.”

--

Nico heaved the last battered chunks of the juggernaut into the corner of the cargo bay, along with the other scrap bits of geth still left from the fight. Harris shuffled along beside him, rummaging through the debris for anything that might be of use.

“What are you looking for?” he grunted, lifting what might once have been an arm and flinging it aside.

“Luca has always wanted a geth combat drone. Thought maybe we could get him one. It… It will be nice to surprise him if he wakes up.”

“He’ll wake up. But no fucking geth drones though. Had enough of those bastards.” 

Nico was about to throw another disabled geth chunk onto the pile when his omnitool chirped. 

He ignored the weird plummet of his stomach when he realized the message wasn’t from Marie. He refused to let himself think about where she was right now and concentrates on the text on his screen instead.

Ben was exactly where Kate had said he would be when he strode into the medbay – slumped against the wall by the engineer’s quiet form.

“Hey, stronzo,” he crouched and tapped Ben firmly on the centre of his forehead, just under the matted shock of white hair that always fell forward into his eyes. “You can’t sleep here. Plus you stink.”

Ben jerked and waved his hand weakly, some gesture that might be a sign telling Nico to fuck off, but Nico ignored it. “Ben,” he tried again but when there was no response, he sighed and threw one armored arm over his shoulder and hoisted Ben up to his feet. Ben protested feebly.

“Doc said you charged from the cargo bay with the kid. No wonder you’re fucked now.”

“Help Luca,” Ben mumbled. He lifted his head to look over at the engineer. The monitors beeped quietly and the air had that same antiseptic smell all medical bays did.

“He’ll be fine,” Nico said unnecessarily as he started to lead Ben away. They moved carefully and quietly, not wanting to disturb the captain where he was dozing, chin on his chest. Nico wasn’t entirely sure he was actually asleep. “You can come and check on your new boyfriend later.”

Ben made a small, strangled sound. Miserable enough to remind Nico that Ben already had two boyfriends.

“Sorry,” he muttered. He shuffled Ben into the hallway. “Not that easy to move on. I get that.”

Ben eyed Nico suspiciously. Nico walked slowly so that Ben could keep up, but he was tempted just to throw Ben over his shoulder so he could move faster. The other vanguard pointed at a blackened streak along the bulkhead instead.

 “W’happened?”

Nico grunted. “We were boarded. Geth. No casualties, though.” Nico couldn’t hold the speck of pride in his voice over that. “Marie made sure of that.”

They reached Ben’s quarters and Nico deposited Ben unceremoniously into the shower cubicle. His thick arms got soaked as he unlatched the seals on Ben’s armor and tugged off each plate. He takes a moment to rinse them under the spray of the water, noting the blackened parts with concealed dismay. And Ben had only just repaired it too. Ben peeled his undersuit off to his waist and shuffled deeper under the water, dunking his head. A river of red swirled down the drain.

“Finish cleaning up, Hurricane.” Nico said as he climbed back to his feet. “I’ll be back with some food soon.”

--

When Luca wakes up, it’s to the captain’s unmistakable voice speaking quietly with the doctor. 

For a moment, he couldn’t remember where he was, except that his body ached and his mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool. He tried to mumble something, just a slur of a word and then Isaac was leaning over him.

“Son. Luca... you’re awake.”

“Where… Are we home?”

Isaac’s mouth curved in a tight smile. “Yes, Luca. We’re back on the Berlin. We made it, thanks to yours and Ben’s fancy flying. The shuttle has seen better days but we won’t talk about that.”

“Lieutenant Ryan is gonna be so mad,” Luca scrunched his eyes shut again. “He told me to take care of the shuttle.”

“Don’t worry about that. Or him.”

Luca forced a swallow just as another shape manifested at his side. He squinted up, relived to see the doctor holding a cup of ice chips. She handed him enough that he could find his voice. There was another figure on the bed nearby but Luca doesn’t need the confirmation of who it was when he saw the long golden waves spread across the pillow.

And Isaac at his side, a careful smile on his face - told Luca she was going to be okay.

“Evie?” he asked it anyway, tensing as he waited for confirmation.

“Resting,” Kate told him smoothly and he breathed a small sigh of relief. Isaac squeezed his shoulder gently. “It will be a few days before she’s up, but she will be alright.”

“Good,” Luca struggled to pull himself upright but he was relieved when the room didn't spin around him. He flopped his hands into his lap. “Where’s Ben?”

“He’s resting too.”

Luca nodded, pushing aside the flicker of disappointment he couldn’t see him yet. He peered at Eva over the captain’s shoulder. “Can… can I give her a hug?”

Neither of them tried to stop him as he wriggled out of his sheets and gingerly climbed onto the bed beside Eva. He tucked up close to her side - it was a tight squeeze, but they both fit and Luca threw one arm around his friend and hugged her tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Evie. When you wake up-“

Luca scrambled up then, almost falling off the bed in his urgency. Isaac reached to steady him. “Neeboo, where’s Neeboo, Cap?”

“Your drone?”

“My pack! Where… oh!”

Luca slid off the bed and dropped to his knees, dragging out the battered bag that he had used on the mission. He didn’t know how it ended up in the medbay with him but he wasn’t about question it. He ripped open the panels, rummaging through until his familiar and trusty little drone blipped and whirred and rose into the air at his shoulder.

“Neeboo, hand it over.”

The drone drifts close then pops out a small compartment from its underbelly. Luca took the tiny disc out and straightened. He solemnly handed the item to his captain, then saluted.

“Here is the intel, Captain.”

Isaac stared down at the disc in his palm. “Luca… What… How did you..?”

“Um. I swapped the discs as, um… a precaution. After what Viz told us...” 

Luca glanced nervously at Kate as he continued. “Vance will be enjoying about three tetrabites of Lieutenant Ryan’s asari porn collection right about now.”

[swanlake1998]

Article: Chloé Lopes Gomes Talks About Her Recent Court Settlement, and Her Hope for a More Inclusive Ballet World

Date: May 19, 2021

By: Lucy Van Cleef

A lot has happened since last November, when French dancer Chloé Lopes Gomes went public with accusations of institutional racism against Staatsballett Berlin. After the company declined to renew her contract for next season, Lopes Gomes, Staatsballett's only Black dancer, said she had endured racial harassment from one of her ballet mistresses and that discrimination had played a role in her dismissal. In April, she reached a court settlement with the German company that included financial compensation and reinstatement of her contract through the end of the 2021–22 season.

In a press release, Staatsballett Berlin acting director Dr. Christiane Theobald said the company has zero tolerance for racism and discrimination. "There is great opportunity for change in the current situation," she continued. "It is a wake-up call." In December the company implemented a system for dancers to anonymously report discrimination to an external clearing house.

Lopes Gomes talked with Pointe about how she's been doing, what the court decision means to her, and how she envisions an arts world that is more transparent and inclusive for all.

Lucy Van Cleef: How have you been feeling since the court decision was finalized?

Chloé Lopes Gomes: Very tired. It's been eight months of fighting. After the decision came a few weeks ago, it really hit me how much energy the case took. I'm happy about the result, that my contract has been extended for another season, and for the financial settlement, but it was such an emotionally draining experience. My mind and body are exhausted.

The legal process wound up being a huge financial burden. From the €16,000 (roughly $19,500) settlement, I have to pay €6,000 in lawyer fees. But even though I'm not left with a fortune, I still see the settlement as a victory.

Lucy Van Cleef: What has the experience been like at work since you came forward? Has it been awkward, or do you feel supported?

Chloé Lopes Gomes: In the beginning I just didn't want to be at the theater. We were in a phase of the lockdown where class was optional, so I didn't set foot in the studio for two months. It was just too stressful. Eventually I decided that I couldn't let this affect my career, and that I had to start training again. Going back to work was really awkward at first, but it's gotten better. Overall, the company has been pretty divided. There are people who support me, and people who don't.

Our acting director Dr. Christiane Theobald has been very understanding. In a recent meeting, she admitted that we had been through a lot over the last months, but that she thought I was very brave and had set a good example.

Going to work now feels like a clean slate. And, so far, I haven't been scheduled in any rehearsals with that ballet mistress. It's still difficult to pass each other in the hallway, though.

Lucy Van Cleef: What feedback have you received from other dancers around the world?

Chloé Lopes Gomes: Dancers have reached out from all over, including London, New York and Paris, to tell me that they admire what I'm doing. I've realized that my case isn't just about calling out racism; it's about confronting all forms of injustice in the dance world. There are examples of injustice in so many companies, where dancers remain silent because they don't want to lose their jobs. But that is starting to change. If you don't go beyond your fear, nothing will ever change.

It's also been really great to receive messages from dancers of color, and to feel like we're calling out stereotypes—that our bodies, feet and work ethics aren't suited for ballet. I think it's important that we stick together. We're proving the old generation wrong, and fighting to get rid of discrimination. I'm really happy that I could help initiate this conversation.

Lucy Van Cleef: What do you hope the momentum means for the future of classical ballet?

Chloé Lopes Gomes: I believe that ballet should be accessible to everyone. If you want diversity in ballet companies, you need to diversify dance schools first. I think that school directors have a responsibility to offer everyone the same chances by looking for future talent in minority communities. For that to happen, the costs of a ballet dancer's training have to go way down. We have to democratize the art form, and that means getting rid of the financial obstacle.

This isn't just a problem in classical ballet, but of the arts in general. Society is evolving, and it's time for the arts world to catch up. There's so much to be done to achieve real diversity. I'm still very critical of the European convention of lifetime contracts, for example. They make people in powerful positions untouchable.

Lucy Van Cleef: Where are you hoping to go from here in your career?

Chloé Lopes Gomes: I'm eager to move on from this: to take care of myself, and to find another job after next season. I don't see myself joining a completely classical company; I'd rather move in the neoclassical direction. Right now, I'm very excited because David Dawson is creating a piece for Staatsballett, and I'm called to rehearsal. He is my favorite choreographer!

I also hope to be able to create a scholarship someday to help dancers from poorer backgrounds finance their dance training. Culture should be something for everyone. That's the idea that drives me.

[svankmajerbaby]

i was tagged by @punkenglishnerd - thank you very much, and i’m sorry for being so late!!!

🎃 Pumpkin: Favourite season? spring, because it’s my birthday... and usually the first days of spring are rainy, but then it’s sunny and not very hot yet, so i can dress in layers but i can still bask in the sunshine. i really like autumn too, because while at first it’s too hot to do anything, when it starts to cool down it’s a delight

👻 Ghost: Do you get scared easily? it really depends... for some reason gore doesn’t faze me much, and i’ve become kind of desensitized to a lot of typical horror stuff. but i’m terrified of r*pe scenes, they leave me very nervous and in general a lot of realistic horror, like abuse, torture and the like, gets me very anxious and stressed... i don’t know if i’d call that fear exactly, but if it does, then yeah, i’m a scaredy cat :^/

🎃 Candy Corn: What’s your favourite kind of candy? dark chocolate!! i love really bitter chocolate, or chocolate covered peanuts -that’s what i used to ask for when i went out with my family to the cinema

👻 Vampire: What is your favourite supernatural creature? any sort of manmade creature!!! i really like automata, frankenstein monsters, golems, creepy dolls... but i also love the concept and the symbolism of ghosts and haunted houses......

🎃 Witch: If you could have any superpower, what would it be? i really don’t know... there’s so much i’d like to do... i’d love to be able to speak any language, but i think it’s not really a superpower? since this is halloween themed, i’d have to say telekinesis (matilda was one of my favorite childhood books) and being able to shrink. i’d love to be small as a mouse and wander around the house

👻 Trick or treat: What was your favourite Halloween costume? i dressed as a witch several times!! we don’t celebrate halloween here in argentina, but still there were some birthdays or club parties which were kind of a replacement halloween celebration?? once i went as candy-skull-frida kahlo, and i still think that was my most complex costume... but i really loved dressing up as a witch when i was little, with my green and black striped socks and my witch hat and my long sleeved black top >:^)

🎃 Black cat: Are you superstitious? nah

👻 Ouija Board: If you could change your name, what would you change it to? i used to hate my name casandra, because everyone was called camila or martina or daniela or more “normal” names, and i thought mine was weird... but i still wanted to stand out, so i pretended my second name was miranda, for some reason?? and for some time i was convinced i should change my name to miranda. but after a few years ive grown to like my name, even if i think it does sound kinda pretentious (my parents gave it to me, so its not my fault!!). i’ve also grown to like the other name they would have given me, bruna, which at first i hated but now i kinda love?? maybe i’d change it to that. but i like my name, currently

🎃 Graveyard: Do you know any good scary stories? hmmm the only one that’s like, a scary story, is one i was obsessed with, that was in a book at my school library -i think it’s pretty well known -about the girl with the green ribbon tied around her neck, who has a boyfriend that asks her why she wears it, and she doesn’t say, until she’s in her deathbed and she tells him he can take her ribbon off and he does and the girl’s head falls off. that story lived in my head 24/7, along with actual short stories like the black cat, the telltale heart, the oval portrait, the masque of the red death... i considered metamorphosis by franz kafka a horror story, too, so i guess i’ll add it here. oh, i know!!!!!! one that i think a lot of people don’t know about. the feather pillow, by horacio quiroga. a young couple move to the countryside, and while the husband is away at work, the woman stay at home all the time. the woman falls ill, and the doctor tells her to stay in bed and rest. she gets worse and worse, and withers away. her husband worries but doesn’t know what is going on. the woman finally dies, and when the maid is about to clean the sheets, she notices that the pillow is extremely heavy. and then -she and the husband and the doctor realize -there was a tick, a blood-sucking bug inside the pillow, a typical goose tick that, when given time, can drain a whole person of all their blood it’s better the way the author wrote it, i think i’m selling it short

👻 Skeleton: Have you ever broken a bone? no, i never did anything that could lead to that {:^) when i was younger i climbed trees and played in parks and stuff, but i never played any sports that could make me break a bone... i did break my knee or something?? i can’t remember, but my knee was sort of displaced during a school camping trip in which i got out of the shower and slipped badly

🎃 Werewolf: What is your favourite urban legend? oooooo there’s a bunch from the local high-class cemetery, the Recoleta Cemetery (though i can’t remember any of them very well), where there’s a lot of great urban legends, most of them from the nineteenth or early twentieth century, like one of two star crossed lovers -a young woman who fell for a french soldier visiting argentina -and when he died in the battlefield, she died as well and haunts her grave ever since... or, well, the famous ones like whatever happened to evita’s corpse, which is kind of squicky but still sort of morbidly fascinating??

👻 Horror flick: Do you like scary movies? Boy Do I. i love frankenstein (1931), crimson peak (2015), corpse bride (2005), blood tea and red string (2006), cat people (1942), abominable dr phibes (1970), gaslight (1944), institute benjamenta (1995), little otik (2000), little shop of horrors (1986), picnic at hanging rock (1975), carrie (2013), a girl walks home alone at night (2014), the magic toyshop (1987), faust (1926), mildred pierce (1945), the devil’s backbone (2001), sleepy hollow (1999), the raven (1963), the fly (1958), cronos (1993), the man who laughs (1928), the babadook (2014), whatever happened to baby jane (1962), the cabinet of dr caligari (1920), aaaaand.... the night of the hunter (1955)

🎃 Haunted house: Would you prefer to live in the city or the country? city all the way. i need cinemas, and libraries, and theaters!!!!

👻 Zombie: Do you think that you could survive a zombie apocalypse? oh, no... i’d probably try to kill myself so i can keep myself from being bitten and hurting other people

🎃 Cauldron: What kind of potion would you make if you had the opportunity? some sort of health potion? i wish people didn’t die of perfectly preventable or curable diseases...

👻 Full moon: Do you prefer nighttime or daytime? daytime, particularly the afternoon

🎃 Corn maze:  What is your favourite autumn activity? eating, basically; last autumn i spent it baking, i think. i can’t remember, by this point... we don’t have any particular “autumn traditions”, i think...

👻 Broomstick: What exciting places have you travelled to? i really enjoyed istanbul, with all the cats and the beautiful architecture, i’d like to go back ;_; but i also loved prague a lot, we went in winter and it was all snowy and lit at night and it was such a beautiful place... portugal was a surprise, i liked it a lot more than i expected!!! i miss edinburgh a lot, too, even if it’s a bit too stuffy for me, i still liked it.... and berlin, i think i was in berlin for too short a time. i loved the cinema museum so much, and everyone was so nice, and the city has so much fascinating history... and i also miss athens -again, i was surprised, and i spent very little time there, but everything, the ruins, the modern city, the people, everything was gorgeous and wonderful... and dublin!!!!! dublin was amazing!! i’ve travelled a lot. i want to keep travelling. this year my family and i were supposed to go to russia, and i’m still kinda eager to go.

thank you so much for tagging me!!!!!! and sorry again for taking so long... i’m tagging (only if you want to do it!) @saumenschliesel, @flowerb-0y, @jacobaco, @majorabbey, @thatqueerweirdo, @sbongebob, @buffoello, and whoever else would like to do it!! i really enjoyed answering these asks :^)

[kiss-my-freckle]

“Each factor taken separately is not conclusive, but put them together and it's clear - you haven't found your man because he's a woman.”

I see it too often - factors being argued separately against the mother theory. A popular thing for fans who can’t see it or simply don’t like it. I’ve decided to dish up an entire scene. Argue them separately all you like. Better if you can dish up another theory that fits all factors like Rederina does.  

The Freelancer, dinner in Montreal (1x2) ...

Liz: Before we do this, let me be clear. I’m not here to socialize. I have no interest in having dinner with you, nor do we have the time. We meet your contact, we get the name of the Freelancer’s next victim, and we go. Understood? Red: I agree with you completely. But it is a restaurant, and it is dinnertime.

Whether characters in television or people in real life, you'll notice it's women more often than men that offer food. Gender roles in the household since the beginning of time. The strength of a man hunts while the woman prepares dinner. Mothers feeding their children. If you don't believe me, note what you see when you hit Ressler's mother's house. Whether it drink or snacks, women typically offer it. Recipes, cookbooks... more often kept by women.

Liz: So, what does this liaison look like? Red: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Anyone asks, you’re my girlfriend from Ann Arbor.

A woman’s female friend. Like Ellie, shown throughout the first season and even in the second when she saves Tom Keen from his gunshot wounds. 

Liz: If you’re looking for a realtor, my girlfriend Ellie is awesome.

Liz Absolutely not. Red: Fine. You can be my daughter.

Confirmed in 5x22 that Liz killed Raymond Reddington in 1990. 

Liz: I know now that those bones in that bag are Raymond Reddington's... the real Raymond Reddington. My father.

Speaking French. 

Waiter: Bonsoir. Red: What would you like to drink? Liz: I’ll have wine. Chardonnay? Red: S’il vous plaít, pour madame, un cocktail de I’aviation.

Necessary if you’re dining in a Paris cafe with Ivan Stepanov.

Ivan: We know about Keen. What she's saying. That you're N-13. Red: An allegation no one believes. Ivan: A fact no one knows is true. We must do whatever we can to keep it that way.

Ivan: Katarina Rostova was N-13. And Katarina Rostova is dead.

Just as good, an imposter who claims to be Katarina spending an entire episode wanting Red to believe he's in a hospital in Paris.

Aram: I know we think he's in Paris, but maybe that's just another illusion.

Red is never identified with facial recognition.

Ressler: This one. Here. Bring that up. Tech: Running facial recognition now. No hits off the database yet.

This takes us to Rassvet.

Liz: He'd need doctors, like Koehler - someone who could change his face.

Red toasts to the future. 

Red: Ahh. Liz: Oh, this isn’t what I ordered. Red: Mercí. To the future.

This takes us back to the womens shelter in Rassvet. 

Shelter Worker: Most importantly, I think the woman who stepped into that ocean is dead. The one who emerged has new choices, a new future...

She pulls in the concept of death and rebirth. Flowers emerge. 

Simple concept, symbolism. Winter is death, spring is rebirth.

Red: Aviation cocktail. It’s from the ’20s. Tastes like spring, doesn’t it?

Toss Katarina into Cape May waters, watch her be reborn. Death (Cape May) and rebirth (Rassvet). That's why I like watching them back-to-back.

Dom: For most people, baptism comes early. My daughter had to wait half her life to be reborn.

The whole truth.

Red: Tell me about your job. The profiling. I’m fascinated. How close to the truth do you think you can really get? Liz: Where’s your contact?

What Kate wanted Liz to learn. 

Kate: Masha, I can show you the truth. Liz: What truth? Kate: If you want to know why he came into your life Liz: You're scaring me. Kate: I can take you. We can go together. But it has to be your choice.

Same truth Liz questioned in Berlin: Conclusion. 

Red: I killed Sam because he was in pain and he wanted to die and because I had to protect you from the truth. Liz: What truth? The only memory I have of my real father... is from the night of the fire. I remember him pulling me out of the flames... saving me. Red: Yes. And knowing his identity would put you in grave danger.

This is all about sight. How Liz SEES things.

Red: Tell me my profile. Liz: Why would I do that? Red: You’ve heard the debriefs. You’ve read Ressler’s book reports. I so want to know how you see things.

Magic tricks fool the senses. Sight is commonly used in this series.

Red: You won’t find the girl until you learn to LOOK at this differently. ("You'll never find Rostova.")

Red: Two months later, she went to Cape May and left her clothes on the beach, walked into the ocean and was never SEEN again.

Dom: You know what I did. You have no idea how I feel - surrounded by nothing but memories - every Christmas, every time it rains. Red: The car. Dom: Yes. Red: The last time you SAW Katarina was in the rearview mirror.

Dom: Last time I SAW my daughter was in this rearview mirror nearly 30 years ago. If my Katarina was still here, she would have let me know.

Red: I know what you SAW, and it wasn’t everything you thought you SAW.

At least five dialogues, and there are plenty more where they came from.

Liz profiles the ghost of her mother. “A ghost. Life’s full of ’em.”

Liz: You’re a loner. You keep your distance. You travel freely through foreign lands. You’re rootless. You’re very comfortable here with your glass of Scotch, but you’re just as comfortable sleeping in a cave with rebels or sharing dinner in some hole-in-the-wall noodle shop. Your closest friends are strangers. You understand that tight bonds can make you vulnerable, so you’re careful not to have any. 

Which follows the voiceover at the end of Ruin.

Agent McKenna: I don’t know how to explain any of this -  The carnage, the death. I mean, what happened up there at that house - It’s bizarre. We have bodies, men murdered - drugged, burned alive - all known criminals with extensive records. And the woman, the one we believe is responsible - You have no idea who she was? Early: Grace. Nice woman, kind of quiet. Kept to herself. Paid cash. Agent McKenna: Did this Grace have a last name? Postal Worker: Talbot. At least that’s how it said it on the side of the packages. Agent Hobbs: Which she picked up here? Postal Worker: Sure. One every few weeks. Now and then, off and on. I mean, she didn’t get none too excited about it, but she got them all eventually. Agent McKenna: And you have no idea where those packages went? Postal Worker: At the house, I suppose. Are they not there? Agent McKenna: Let’s pivot. I’d like to talk about Mr. Elroy. Local Officer: The federal witness? Agent Hobbs: He said he was dropped off at the ER “like a Christmas gift.” Local Officer: That’s right. I mean, that’s what the head nurse said. Left him there on the doorstep of the medical center in Delta Junction. Said she saved his life. Local Officer: She knew he was someone important. I don’t know how, but - Agent McKenna: You know this woman didn’t just wander off. She made sure not to leave any trace evidence behind. Agent Hobbs: Not a Kleenex in the trash or a fingerprint in the barn or a hair in a drain. Not one. Agent McKenna: Place was wiped clean. Agent Hobbs: So clean, in fact, that we believe she may have learned how to clean a crime scene from a professional. Early: I don’t understand the question. Agent Hobbs: You saw her. You spoke to her. You tell me who you think she was. Postal Worker: I don’t know. Local Officer: I wish I could say. Local Officer: I think, uh, she was - Early: A ghost. Life’s full of ’em. ("Elizabeth. You raised an old ghost.")

No Roots = Rootless. Same things would’ve been said of Katarina in 1990. 

Red being sarcastic. He knows Liz doesn't know her husband. He wants to know what Tom knows of the mark and the scar.

Liz: And that’s why you’re so conflicted about me. You need me. And you hate that about yourself, because it makes you vulnerable. Red: Tell me about your husband. Does he know you as well as you know him? Liz: Your contact is late. Red: Does he know about you as a child? Liz: It’s been 35 minutes. Red: Does he know about the fire?

Known since Liz’s Braxton recall, 2x10. Katarina was at the fire and knows about Liz’s scar. “Elements from Katarina’s past” are elements from Masha’s past (4x17 pre-pilot scene). 

Katarina: There was a fire. Too many people. There was shouting and fighting. And Masha...

Red refuses to answer Liz's questions because he realizes Cooper placed agents inside the diner. He didn't even want wires. 

Liz: Why am I so important to you? Did you know my parents? I asked you a question. Waiter: Oui, monsieur? Red: S’il vous plait, apportez–nous une bouteille quatre vingt deux chateau latour. Waiter: Bonsoir. Liz: Are you gonna keep trying to impress me with your knowledge of French wine, or are you gonna answer my question?

He wanted it to be just him and Liz.

Red: You should come. Just the two of us - no wires, no clumsy agents in the bushes. You want me to make an introduction, you need to trust me with my source. Ah! What fun! You’ll need a dress.

His final line is a push back to the pilot. Red: What if I were to tell you that all the things you’ve come to believe about yourself are a lie? Please excuse me for a moment.

It's all about who they are and who they were. Liz was Masha Rostova.

Worded differently for Red because he’s no longer a woman.

Red: Everything about me is a lie.

Katarina Rostova, now Raymond Reddington. 

We then have Liz's profile of Red pushing her to run a DNA test. She's right on her profile, but she SAW a man sitting before her.

Liz: I ran his DNA two weeks after we met. We were undercover in Montreal having dinner, and he said that everything I thought I knew about myself was a lie. It was intimate and weird. And when we thought we were made, he snuck out the back and I palmed his scotch glass. But when the envelope came back, I was scared it would confirm the devil was my father. I didn’t look at it. Threw it away.

Raymond Reddington, just as much a ghost. Masha, Katarina, Dom, all of them... ghosts.

"Elizabeth. You raised an old ghost."

"Apparently, Reddington died 30 years ago. He rose from the grave once. I’m pretty sure he will again."

She threw away the results for the same reason Ressler wasn't supposed to look at Red's medical file. Their endgame, Rederina. And people wonder why I follow this theory. A single scene in a single episode full of Katarina. Everyone assumes Reddington is a fake death because of the way they ran the suitcase arc in S5. He's not a fake death. He's a fake life.

“A mother who died of weakness and shame.”

Red: What do you want me to say? Yes… Is that what you want me to say? Yes, Elizabeth is my daughter.

Weakness and shame. 

Katarina Rostova. “The two of us have overcome so much.”

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 32 - I Get So Tense That I Can’t Speed Up The Time

Berlin Germany, April 17 1990

(Andi is 20, Chris is 25)

ANDI: Feeling the cold concrete beneath my body is something I will never get used to when I slip. It was dark. really dark. So dark that I couldn't tell just exactly where I was at all. I gather myself up and find that I seem to be in a dark alleyway in between two tall brick buildings, completely naked and cold as hell.

Why, just why in the fucking hell did I have to slip?

With my one arm covering my chest as best I could - thank god my dark curls are long enough to help - and my other hand trying to cover the rest of me, I attempt to make my way out of the alley, being careful not to step on anything that could hurt me. I approach the sidewalk, staying close to the corner of the one buildings and look down both sides of the street to see if I could figure out where I am. Everything is written in German so I just hope to fuck I'm in Berlin.

Ok think Andi, think... where can I find something to cover myself with?

It's always this part that scares me the most, especially since I'm in a completely different country. I remember the name of the hotel that I booked for the guys, so if I could just find a way to somehow get there.

*****

"Hey du was machst du? raus hier!"

I was able to find my way into an apartment through the back and sneak into a bedroom as quietly as I could, find a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that were a little bit too big for me and a pair of runners but just as I was sliding myself back out the door, I was caught by the German who is now screaming at me while I clamber down the fire escape.

"I'm sorry, I had the wrong place," I call back to him though I'm pretty sure he had no idea just what I was saying.

"Wenn ich dich wieder fange, bring ich dich um!" He continues to scream at me and I can only guess that he hopes I don't show up again. Given by the tone of his voice though it sounds like he might kill me if I was to show up again, which wont be happening anytime soon.

Once I make it to the bottom of the fire escape, I quickly make my way down the street, hoping to see if I can find anyone who speaks even just a little bit of English so that I can get to the hotel as fast as I could. I walk a few blocks and find myself in the downtown district and I catch a Newspaper box that showed that I was in fact in Berlin. Thank fucking god. Now I just need to find my way to the Hotel.

*****

Lindemann Hotel, Berlin

CHRIS: "Look I know, we missed soundcheck but I don't care. I'm staying right here in the Lobby until she walks through that door,"

"Chris, man come on we go on in like a half hour and we're not even at the fucking club yet - "

"I don't give a shit!" I cut Jason off. We had been arguing the entire trip to Berlin and he was really beginning to get on my last nerve.

"You're the one who's always so damn anal about making sure everything is perfect, but suddenly once Andi somehow goes missing - "

"She slipped Jason - " Matt defends.

"Whatever -" Jason snaps back.

"Hey guys, come on," Kim starts.

"No fuck that! We shouldn't have to wait around for your girlfriend to finally make an appearance,"

"Since when do actually have anything to contribute to any sort of conversation we're having?" I snark back at him. Jason just stares at me stunned at my remark and I add "Just fucking throw your headphones back on and ignore the whole thing like you usually do,"

"Fuck you Chris!" He says and pushes me which makes me stumble back just a little but I maintain my ground and grab his black T-shirt by the collar and pull him to me, his eyes burning into mine.

"Fuck me?! Fuck You!" I shout.

"Hey, Hey guys... c'mon break it up," Kim says as he gets between us and I let go of Jason's shirt when suddenly I see Andi walking up to the front doors of the hotel, completely soaked as it had started raining. She opens the door and sees the four of us grouped around the lounging couches.

"Holy Shit, Andi you made it," Matt says.

"Baby - ?" I exhale feeling my heart fly out of my chest at the sight of her. I immediately runover to her and wrap my arms around her though she seems a little stand offish with me.

"Can I have the room key?" She says without much emotion and I slowly let go of her as she holds out her hand. I quickly reach in my shorts pocket and pull out the hotel room key and hand it to her. She turns to move away from me but I catch her arm and turn her to face me again.

"Babe, what happened? What's wrong?" I ask furrowing my brow.

"You guys should head to the club, you're already late so... I'm fine I just need to shower and get changed and I'll meet you there," She says barely looking up at me.

"Andi - ?"

"Chris I'm fine, just head over and I'll meet you there," She says and without so much as a look at me, she pulls away and makes her way up the stairs to the hotel room. I turn back to the guys and they look just as confused as I am. I shrug and shake my head wondering why she wont let me at least apologize to her but I figure I'll just give her a bit of time.

"Let's go... she'll uh, just meet us there," I say as I head towards the lobby doors, Jason rolling his eyes at me with Matt, Ben and Kim all looking between each other, then shrugging and  slowly following me out the hotel doors.

*****

ANDI: I arrive inside our room and toss the hotel key on the table beside the door. All I wanted was to take these god forsaken wet stolen clothes off me and jump into the shower as fast as I could. I didn't want to talk and I didn't want to feel. I just wanted to get on with the night and do my job like I was hired to do.

Once I peel the soaking wet clothes off of me, I grab a plastic bag that was stashed underneath the bathroom sink and stuff the clothes inside. Then I toss the bag of clothes towards the hotel room door and quickly turn on the shower. Once the water was hot enough, I step inside and let the water wash over me as I quickly clean myself up. After a few moments it was like I couldn't stop the flood of emotions that suddenly rattled my frame. As the suds from the soap swirl down the drain, I lean forward catching myself against the shower wall and start to cry.

I didn't intend on crying but it was like I couldn't help myself. Traveling back to see Andy really just shook me up. I am by no means over him at all but whatever happened between us has really fucked with me. I feel horrible, heartbroken and guilty that I did the very thing that I never wanted to do. I love Chris more than life itself and I just can't get passed this horrible pain that I just keep inside.

*****

Once I finish my shower, I gather myself together and calm myself down enough to change into just some ripped up jeans and my Black Sabbath band shirt with my Doc Marten. I fix my dark curls as they fall down around my shoulders and find my bag that Chris had brought up for me before the inevitable time slip on the bus. I reach in my bag and pull out a little prescription bottle.

Just after Andy's funeral, I had an appointment with my neurologist for a regular checkup that I normally have every 6 months or so. He basically asked me all the usual questions that he has asked me since I began seeing him- when my original doctor from when I was kid transferred all my files over when I moved to Seattle - He performed a few tests, nothing out of the ordinary and suggested that I try lorazepam.

Years ago I was put on a different drug for epileptic seizures but for some reason, it made my time slips worse. Lately my time slips have been becoming more frequent once again but I was reluctant to try lorazepam, thinking it wouldn't do anything or once again make it worse. Since I'm traveling, I didn't think that I would actually have a time slip episode at all but as we all know, I can never seem to predict if or when it will happen and since I've been so busy, I've hardly had time to sit down and relax and play like I usually would to help keep the time slips at bay. The pills had been sitting in my bag from the moment I picked them up from the pharmacy and a part of me is still so worried about taking them. I obviously don't want to have another time slip happen again so I guess this seems to be my last resort until I can figure out a way on my own.

"Ok... Andi, here goes nothing,"

Reading the label, I pour out one tablet into my hand and close the bottle up, putting it back into my bag. I walk back into the bathroom and turn the tap on, placing the pill on my tongue and scooping up some water with my hands to swallow. I then check myself in the mirror and dab a bit of the water from my chin, and then grab the hotel key and head out to meet the guys at the club.

*****

Messehalle Bar and Night club, Berlin

ANDI: ".... remember, I love you, love yoooouuuu!!!!" Chris screams as he drops down to his knees on stage, pouring himself out to the crowd with incredible emotion. He leans back practically laying down on stage while Kim continues to wail on his Gibson Firebird. I stand off to the side of the stage as a few members of the road crew catch me up on everything since my time slip. After a few moments, the band breaks into 'Beyond The Wheel' and Chris continues the emotion all the way through. It's so incredible how he can do that as I admire him from the side stage.

Towards the end of their set, Chris picks up the mic stand and begins to smash it against the stage floor, causing the crowd to go crazy and scream how much they love Soundgarden.  A far cry from the crowd last night.

"Thank you!" Chris bellows into the mic and slams it down on the stage, making the loudest thump as Kim does his feedback outro. Chris flips his curls out of his face and heads towards me, glancing at me but not much else and then heads down the stage stairs.  I close my eyes for a second knowing that we need to actually talk this out and I follow him as he walks out the backstage door. I stay pretty silent as I follow him back to the dressing room, Kim and Matt trailing behind me and Jason following even further behind.

"Chris?" I call after him but he says nothing and doesn't look back at me as his curls sway with each stride. I exhale and try to catch up to him, reaching for his hand once I do. He just gives me a look but doesn't pull away as I look back up at him apologetically. I lace my fingers through his and keep my gaze on him as we try and find the dressing room to the place.

"Yo, Chris I think it's this way," Kim calls down the opposite side of the hallway.

"Ok, I'll catch up in a minute," Chris calls back with his eyes still on me. We stop for a moment and he suddenly moves me back up against the concrete wall, leaning down and cupping my face in his palm, pressing those incredible soft lips to mine.

It caught me off guard for just a moment, but this is exactly what I wanted from him since the moment we even started arguing. Our kiss instantly becomes heated, full of hunger, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip. I reach up and lace my fingers through his curls as his hands move to my hips, pressing himself against me. I can feel his excitement through his shorts already as my tongue plays with his eagerly wanting to just have him fuck me right here against the concrete wall of the club.

His hands move up under my shirt, his fingers feeling rough as they skip across my skin. They find their way to my breasts and he begins to tease each nipple through my sheer lacy bra. I sigh against his lips as his thumbs continue to brush across my nipples sending chills all over my body.

"I'm sorry baby," He says against my lips.

"Shhhhh, it's ok, I don't care. I just want you," I say against his lips. He chuckles and lifts me up as I wrap my arms around his neck, still never breaking our kiss. I wrap my legs around his waist as he somehow carries me down the long hallway looking for a back room.

With us both beginning to laugh, he finally finds a back room, which looked more like a storage closet but I could really care less as he maneuvers the doorknob and carries me inside. He closes the door and sets me down, finding a long string and pulling it to light up the room in a dim warm yellow glow. I quickly reach for his belt as he bites his bottom lip and unbuckle it as quickly as I can, pulling down his shorts and boxers, seeing his excitement before me. Without taking my eyes away from his, I quickly unbuckle my belt and slip my jeans along with my panties over my hips and down to my knees. Chris lets out a pleasing grunt, almost cave man-ish and turns me around, pushing me up against the wall of the closet. I let out a surprised squeal and giggle, loving how suddenly he is becoming so aggressive.

"You want me baby?" he asks.

"Uh huh," I breathe.

"You want me to fuck you baby?" He says low and deep in my ear as he grips my hips with his hands and urges me to spread my legs apart. I move my hands to steady myself against the wall as I feel his hardness, the tip of him teasing just at my entrance.

"Yea, yes I want you to fuck me," I bite my lip and I feel him push himself inside me, sending unbelievable shivers all over my body.

"Holy shit, you are so wet already," He exhales moving slow with the first couple of thrusts and then begins to pick up his pace. His left hand holds my hip to steady me while his right hand moves to cover mine against the wall, lacing his fingers through.

"Oh fuck yes," He growls as I push myself back against him just a little. He then slides his hand from my hip, his fingers immediately make contact with my clit, using slow circular motions at first, then gradually faster making my muscles clench around him.

"Fuck, don't fucking stop," I tell him half panting, my temple pressed against the wall.

"Don't worry baby I'm not gonna stop until you cum for me," He growls in my ear in which just the sound of his voice, deep and raspy from singing completely sent me right over the edge. In that moment I release instantly, surprised that I was able to get there so damn quick and it wasn't long before Chris himself cried out in animalistic hunger, releasing everything inside me.

"Oh my god," I pant, my cheek still pressed against the wall, my eyes squeezed shut as I try to come down with out falling on the floor. He chuckles as he gracefully pulls out of me and I try to turn around and face him. He laughs as he helps me and places his hands on either side of my cheeks, brushing some dark matted curls from my forehead.

"If that's how you apologize all the time, I should get mad at you more often," I giggle and he laughs, touching his forehead to mine.

[jaimitchell]

𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟷𝟹𝚝𝚑 𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚐𝚘, 𝙸𝙻 𝟸:𝟹𝟹𝚊𝚖

          He is desperate. He has no idea what day it is or what time it is other than night, and even then, he lost track of when the sun went down. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have come here, he should have stayed at Gallagher, keeping himself sober, clean, but all he wanted was to get some money to spend during the Berlin internship. And yet, every single penny he had ‘earned’ (his way, of course), had gone down the drain in pills, rocks, cheap vodka, cigarettes, joints– fuck, even lighters. He had lost three so far. Who knew addicts could be so careless about something indispensable for them. 

           Jai’s hands shake as he digs into his pockets, and yet, he can’t find anything. Did he really ran out this fast? Was he consuming this much, this fast? Was it happening so quickly? Would he even make it to Berlin at this point? His phone vibrates inside his pocket. It’s Cyrus, he doesn’t even have to check. It’s always Cyrus– fuck, he’s the only one who cares, and Jai thinks he shouldn’t. He’s fine. He will be fine as soon as he gets his next fix. He takes out the phone and turns it off, leaves it on the counter as he asks for another bottle of vodka, the smallest one please, he doesn’t have much money. Jai wipes his nose– fuck, he hates some of the effects, smiles and drops ten bucks, then leaves without picking up his phone. There’s no point. 

          How did he get there? Loneliness? Fear? Or was it just the bad habits that were hard to get rid of? Not even Jai could answer, but he was sure he felt it all. Every single feeling in his heart was there, taking space, making it hurt. And there was love, there was hope, faith– and yet the vacuum of what his life had become since age thirteen followed him. He was a criminal, a drug addict, an alcoholic, and there was no way to escape his record. His classmates would go out to get jobs at the CIA, the FBI, other private agencies, and what would he do if not going back to the street rat life? 

             Time, distance. Nothing matters. Jai is living his life as if he was reading some sort of comic book, except he always skips the last drawing before turning pages. It should drive him insane, and yet... he keeps on going. 

          “You know what to give me.” Jai said, his voice emotionless until he’s told the price and realized that with his phone, he left his last couple bills. He has no money, and lots of needs. The tremor in his hands or the sweat in his upper lip are the biggest telltales. Fuck, he needs a shower. And a warm bed.            “No money, no goods. You know the rules.”           Jai looks down, pats his body looking for anything, bills, coins, but a five doesn’t cover much, and he knows it’s only a matter of an hour or two before it gets bad– Linda Blair bad, and he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He can’t go back to Charles Graves’ place like that, so he needs to fix this.            Jai moves his eyes up to meet the other man’s. There’s something in them, a hidden language that he mastered years ago when he was still in New York. It was universal, really. And effortless for a man like him, but he could already feel the weight of his heart after this, of the silence, of his lost phone, of the missing calls and endless voicemails he had ignored in the past couple days. 

                                                 ♦ ♦ ♦

         The motel doesn’t seem as scary by dusk than it seemed in the middle of the night, as he got off a car of someone who’s real name he didn’t know. Jai sighs, looking up as he takes a long swig from the bottle of vodka he managed to keep with him through the night. The day seems promising, only a couple clouds in the sky over the peach and lavender tones of the sun rising, and he wishes he didn’t feel the way he was feeling. Sure, there was a part of him that felt relieved, his palms weren’t sweating anymore, the visions had left, his heart was pumping blood at a reasonable pace and yet he felt heavy, incredibly sore, dirty. Fuck, he had left this life before. Moving to Chicago, becoming a part of the Graves’ family and going to Gallagher and all that were supposed to change him, help him get a better life than before, and yet, here he is, feeling him in every step he took, wishing this was just a couple weeks back, and HIM had a different name. 

         His heart stops, his lungs stop, his entire body stop working and Jai has to drag himself to the next ally because he is sure this is how he dies. This is the moment where it’s all over, and even though there’s some relief, he’s never felt this pain before. And all he thinks about is Cyrus, and Milena, and Scott, and Emmett, and Maia, and Berlin and suddenly he’s sobbing. The pain stops but he can’t stop crying. All of this, for what? For fucking nothing! NOTHING. 

         “I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.” He repeats to himself with his head between his knees until he can feel the tremble in his hands come back. It is getting dark again, and he somehow managed to lose track of yet another fucking day. 

         With his legs wobbly and weak, Jai manages to get back on his feet. Were this another night like the one before, he would be making his way back to that corner store, right where the fluorescents don’t shine as bright anymore. But today is different. Today he pulls himself out, and he promises to himself this is the real deal. Because he can’t fail them. Any of the people in his life. So he asks for help. 

         It’s a new group, one he hasn’t met up with before and that makes him feel safe and unashamed to tell his story. He gets a sponsor right away, an old man who relates to Jai’s story the second he opens his mouth, and volunteers to get him through his worst days. He only has two weeks, he explains, two weeks and then he’ll go after the best year of his life. And even though the old man laughs at him and makes him swear he’ll find a way to keep his head held high, he assures him he’s strong enough to get through this and more. How long has it been since he had a paternal figure? Did he ever have one in the first place? Jai doesn’t know this kind of love or at least he doesn’t remember, and every day after that he goes to bed and thanks every single God out there for this one opportunity, because he deserves better, he wants better. And Jai Reginald Mitchell is a stubborn one, and he will get better.

@gallaghertasks

[shhhhyoursister]

Hey, could youw write a fic about davenzi first pride? Ps: I love your writing ❤

this has been in my inbox for so long and im sorry i didnt get to it sooner!!! ty so much for enjoying my writing, im sorry this got a lil angsty and long?? i hope you like it

The discussion about going to Pride had been just that: a discussion. It didn’t matter that after the fact Matteo’s eyes were wet and David’s lips were set in a thin line, that they went to bed that night with their backs facing each other, not touching. There had been no raised voices, no mugs or lamps or phones or anything slamming against the walls, no doors closing so hard the sound reverberated around Matteo’s mind for hours after. It wasn’t an argument. David and Matteo didn’t argue.

It hadn’t been fun, though. David, while not the type to out himself to everyone he met as trans, was more than proud to be part of the bigger queer community. He had a button with the pansexual colors on the new backpack he had bought for his classes at university, was planning on joining some of the LGBT groups there, had been making friends that were part of the community, and had been spending more and more time with them. And Matteo was proud of him! He would be a terrible boyfriend if he wasn’t, couldn’t understand how seeing David’s bright grin after spending the day with his new friends could make him feel anything other than, well, pride.

That wasn’t all he felt, though. He hated himself for it, could see how happy David was to have people around him who were proud and were open about who they were and who they loved, but the idea of engaging with anyone in the community other than the LGBT people he already knew was the single scariest thing he could think of doing.

So, when David had casually brought up the subject of Pride, of them going to Pride, while they were eating dinner late one night after his classes, Matteo had frozen, his fork halfway to his mouth. David had cocked his head to the side, silently asking what the matter was, and Matteo put his fork down, running his hands over his face before quietly saying, “I- I don’t know if I want to go.”

David had stopped, had righted is head so he could watch Matteo’s face as he hummed, had shoved another forkful of pasta into his mouth and chewed and swallowed before responding, just as quietly, “Oh. That’s okay. I can go with my other friends.”

And Matteo had panicked. David’s other friends, the ones that were proud of who they were, the ones that made David smile almost as big as he smiled for Matteo, the ones that took up most of David’s newest stories, the ones that were cooler and queerer than Matteo could ever hope to be. He had nodded, taking a bite of his food and chewing slowly before saying, “Yeah, you could do that.”

David had raised an eyebrow, his voice sounding a little challenging as he replied, “Yeah, I can. Unless you don’t want me to?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, you didn’t seem too happy about it, either.”

Matteo sighed, running a hand through his hair before bringing it down to pull at a loose thread on his sweater, and David’s free hand grabbed it before he could do any damage. David squeezed his hand, and Matteo squeezed back and lifted his head to meet David’s eyes.

“Baby, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. i don’t want to go to Pride, you want to go with your friends, and I’m okay with it even if I don’t need to be because it’s your life. You don’t need my express permission to do things.”

“I know that,” David started slow, “I was only asking because you seemed uncomfortable with it, is all.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Okay, good.”

“Good.”

The conversation ended there, both finishing their food in silence before cleaning their bowls in silence, and getting changed and getting into bed in silence. Matteo hated it, hated knowing that he had caused all the awkwardness, hated that he felt like he couldn’t talk to David about it. They both slept restlessly that night, wanting to feel the touch of the other’s skin, see the rise and fall of the other’s breathing, but both feeling too much to do anything about it.

It didn’t matter because the next morning, Matteo woke up to David spooned right against his back, his face buried in the skin on the back of Matteo’s neck. Matteo sighed, the tension draining out of his body as he grabbed the hand that David had resting on his stomach. David shuffled behind him, the arm around his waist squeezing him close as David placing a kiss on the spot his mouth had been pressed against.

“Good morning.” Matteo whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet, a much calmer one than the night before.

“Good morning.” David whispered back into Matteo’s neck, placing another kiss there before moving back, the hand on Matteo’s stomach moving so he could be maneuvered until he was facing David. They stared at each other quietly for a few minutes, before Matteo couldn’t bear both the quiet and lack of contact, and slid forward until his face was buried in David’s neck.

“I’m- I’m scared, I think.”

David only hummed, rubbing a hand soothingly up Matteo’s back.

“I don’t want people to think I’m like, a bad queer person or something. I don’t know how to be gay. I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s intimidating being around people who do.”

“What we’re doing right now is pretty gay.”

“Could be gayer.”

They both smiled at the jokes, before David pushed Matteo’s shoulder gently so he could look at his face.

“Why do you think you’re a bad queer person?”

“Because,” Matteo took a moment to think, stroking his hand up and down David’s arm to give himself a little comfort, “I’m not proud of it. I’m gay, yeah. I have a boyfriend that I love, I have friends that love me for who I am. But... I don’t feel the same way you and your friends do. It’s just a thing about me, not something I want to celebrate or need everyone knowing.”

David hummed again, nodding his head as he grabbed the hand Matteo was rubbing his arm with and brought it up to his mouth to kiss it. Matteo blushed a little, couldn’t help it with the softness of the gesture, and tried to wiggle himself closer to David again, but David didn’t let him.

“However you feel about being gay is okay, Matteo, as long as you don’t hate yourself for it.”

“I don’t, not anymore, at least. I think I did for a while. But I don’t now. I just don’t want it to be the only thing people think about when they look at me.”

“And that ‘s okay. You don’t need to be yelling about it all the time, or be covered in buttons and pins and rainbow paint. You can just be Matteo, a boy that is gay and is also a thousand other things.”

Matteo sighed, and smiled softly. David was good at saying the right thing, but he could tell that he wasn’t done speaking.

“And yeah, Pride is about celebrating queerness, but there’s a lot more too it. It’s a political statement, more importantly, but its also a personal experience for each person that goes. I’ve had friends who just go so they can wear whatever they want and kiss whoever they want without having to worry, and I have friends that march and wave signs and flags and scream. You don’t have to go, but if you do we can take it as chill as you want.”

Matteo considered his words. While him and David kissed regularly and held hands or hugged in most places, they both had a persistent fear that someone was going to say something, or worse, do something. They talked about it quietly one night after they had gotten a nasty look on the bus, both expressing the same worry. It would be nice to not have that for once. To be able to see David’s smiling face, and lean over and kiss him, without the gross nervous undertone. 

“It would be nice to not have to worry. But I- I don’t know. I’ll think about it, and let you know? Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay, babe. And I won’t be mad if decide not to go. But I’ll be thrilled if you do.”

The next week, when Matteo finds himself being kissed passionately on a random street in Berlin with his hands in David’s hair and David’s on his waist, surrounded by people yelling and holding signs and waving rainbow flags, he starts to feel a little proud. 

[paradox-n-bedrock]

Mocha, Jasmine tea & mint tea

Mocha : Dream Job?

Traveling ER Doc or Physician's Assistant or Nurse Practitioner. I'm working on it, despite occasional worry that I'm too old. Being a paramedic in the US is not a viable long-term career.

Jasmine Tea : If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I'd love to spend a few weeks traveling Europe, specifically with time in Paris and Berlin to check out museums and the art scene (and go clubbing, tbh, don't @ me). I'd also love to visit Japan. One of my best friends was there last year with her boyfriend and loved it, and there's a chance my future brother-in-law might move there at some point.

I had a trip to New Orleans planned for the fall, and now it's cancelled. I'm not mad, it had to happen, but I am kind of heart broken. That's somewhere I'd like to live eventually.

Mint Tea : How do you relax?

I need alone time to recharge and that's not something I've had at all for the past two months. I like to have a clean house to myself to just chill and read in silence. Do the same at a coffeeshop with music and some people watching if I'm less drained. Sometimes I bake, there's a vegan macaron recipe I've been wanting to tackle, but it seems a little intimidating and labor intensive.